


Breathe In, Breathe Out

by xevident



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Loads of mentions of Louis with pink scrubs, M/M, Or fluff, Sex, Terminal Illnesses, basically someone gets penetrated, in the ass, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xevident/pseuds/xevident
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fic where Louis wears pink scrubs and delivers letters and gifts to people in a hospital when he's not reading to the children and Harry is slowly fading away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to try and write something and this is mostly for myself just because I like writing but if someone chooses to read it then of course I'll be happy.

It was his fault that Louis was standing here in the pouring rain. Him and his stupid green eyes and his ridiculous smile. Louis was just glaring down at the roses, contemplating on whether he should throw them away or not. Harry didn’t like roses and Louis knew that. He knew that because that was one of the very first things that Harry had told him. It hadn’t been love at first sight. It was that kind of love that grew with time and ended up stronger than anything else.

Louis got exactly ninety-three days with Harry. He knew that wishing for more was greedy and selfish, but he felt like he wouldn't be able to function properly without those dimples and wonderfully green eyes. Harry was an old soul. A soul that has been on earth for god knows how long. Louis remembers this from the story his mom used to tell him before he went to bed when he was younger.  
You see, souls didn't live forever, they died just like humans when their time was over. When a soul doesn't have enough power for an entire human life left it would make the most out of it. Those human beings were special and one of them was Harry.

It started like it ended. The start of their story was so painfully like the ending of it that Louis should've seen it coming, he should've been prepared for it. But how could you possibly be prepared for something like that?  
It didn't hurt they said. He's happier now they said. But how could Harry be happy without him when Louis was so utterly miserable without Harry? Louis knew that it was a selfish thought and he didn't want to be angry at Harry. After all, it wasn't Harry's fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that this damned thing craved the lives of hundreds every fucking day.

Louis wouldn’t have met Harry if it wasn’t for the fact that his mother had decided that it was time for him to get a real job since she didn’t consider playing random gigs with his band one. She hooked him up with a job at the hospital and to be honest it was one of the most boring things Louis could’ve imagined.

He had to walk around in the hospital wearing these ridiculous pink scrubs because they were the only pair left in his size and the universe just liked to screw things up for him. His job consisted of handing out letters, gifts, and flowers to the patients along with their daily meals. His mother called it a fairly simple job that not even he would be able to screw up.

It was june and Louis was melting away inside the hospital despite the air-conditioning that was on full power in the entire building. Almost all of the patients that could go outside were enjoying the wonderful early summer weather while Louis was stuck inside the hospital, arranging all the letters and gifts that were sent to the patients who more or less lived here. It was hard to see them because Louis knew that most of them wouldn’t make it. This was the terminal illness hospital ward and that basically meant that the people who ended up here were likely to die. Of course miracles could occur but that wasn’t a regular thing.

A quiet groan escaped Louis’ lips as he picked up another letter and turned it around, brows furrowing as he tried to understand the squiggly letters written on it. Honestly, couldn’t people just write neatly so Louis could understand who he was supposed to give the letter to? He’d only been here for a week and had already handed out quite a few things to the wrong person. The blue eyed boy pursed his lips in a small frown and dropped the letter back into the box with a deep sigh as he went to grab another envelope only to cut himself on the paper and let out a loud curse.

”How’s it going with the letters, Tomlinson?” A familiar voice said and Louis looked up with a little scowl and a roll of his eyes as he brought his bleeding finger up to his mouth to blow at the tiny wound. ”It’s going great, Stan, I’m really getting the hang of this now and I just couldn’t think of a better way to spend my summer than to stand here and try and read fucking calligraphy." Louis grumbled and glared at the other male who just laughed and shook his head, not at all fazed by Louis’ harsh tone since he was well used to it after the many years they’d been friends.

Louis had been delighted when he found out that his friend that was now standing before him, freckled by the summer sun would work at the hospital during the summer just like he would. The only problem was that Stan worked in the hospital cafeteria so they rarely ever saw each other during work even if they were in the same building all day.

”I suppose you won’t need my help then." Stan chuckled and reached over to grab the letter Louis just tossed down into the box. Louis smiled weakly and brushed away his fringe from his clammy forehead before he reached over to grab his water bottle.   
”It’s just hard to see what people are writing on the envelopes that’s all. I mean, it’s not the most entertaining job you could have but at least it’s something." Louis said with a shrug and took a sip of the water, glancing up at the clock in hopes that he would be able to take these damned scrubs off soon and go home. But Louis wasn’t that lucky, there was still about two hours left of work before he’d be able to go.

”This letter is for Mrs. Mason in room number four, can’t believe you weren’t able to read that." Stan murmured and handed Louis the letter with a cocky grin that sort of made Louis want to smack him with the bottle. ”Whatever, get back to making sandwiches, I don’t need any help.” Stan only laughed and raised his hand to wave at Louis while he sauntered away, apron tied tightly around his waist. Louis wished that he’d gotten the same job as Stan because at least he wouldn’t have to wear pink scrubs.


	2. Chapter 2

The summer is tricky and the sun just decided to disappear after it had been shining so brightly for about a week. It rained more than it didn’t in England so Louis should be used to it by now and maybe just be sane enough to grab an umbrella when his mother told him that it would rain when she watched the weather this morning. If Louis had listened to her then he wouldn’t be soaking wet right now, fringe plastered to his forehead as he walked towards the hospital.  
Not only did it start to rain but Louis missed his bus and had to walk the entire way to the hospital through the rain. That’s what you get when you’re too focused on arranging your alphabetic cereal into bad words than listening to your mother.

But mind you he actually managed to spell both cunt and twat despite the w’s being a rarity. His mother had called him an idiot and she was probably right but Louis was way too proud over his achievement to admit it.  
The blue eyed boy pushed the doors open to the small hospital and walked inside, nodding and even smiling sheepishly as he passed nurses and doctors that he recognized. He was starting to become more familiar with the hospital and now he just walked one corridor too far before he managed to find the changing room. The first time he came here he’d been running around the entire hospital before he finally found the changing room. Louis walked inside the small changing room and groaned quietly as he caught his own reflection in one of the many, foggy mirrors. His hair was plastered against his head and he really just looked like a drowned cat in his thin cotton tee and shorts.

The towel he’d planned on using for his shower after work had to do and Louis tried to just dry his hair so he’d at least look somewhat presentable.  
”For fucks sake,” Louis muttered quietly as he struggled to peel his soaked clothes off and stuff them into his locker. To be honest the lockers at the hospital were so tiny that you had to press everything inside if you wanted it to fit in there and you couldn’t have anything fragile inside since it would get smushed in that case. For once Louis was actually happy to put his pink scrubs on because they were at least much better than his own cold clothes. The door opened to the changing room and two blabbering nurses walked inside the room just as Louis slammed his locker shut and bolted for the door. He wasn’t really out to make any friends at the hospital and it didn’t really help that the nurses just considered themselves a lot better than he was because they had what they considered ’real jobs’ while he’d just work here over the summer.

The day started just like all of the other days he’d spent at the hospital. He’d walk through the corridors and just mind his own business until someone needed his help or he needed to hand out some letters or gifts to the patients. He knew that he should be sorting the letters right now and that he’d regret it later but that was a job for future Louis. The hospital was fairly small and since Louis hung around in the terminal illness ward he’d quickly gotten to know some of the patients who lived there more than they didn’t.

He could hear the familiar sound of children’s voices and could also hear an occasional crash that could just mean one thing. ”What are you even doing in here? It sounds like you’re wrecking the place.” Louis laughed as he pushed the door open and stepped inside the children’s room, seeing almost all of them out of their beds, playing around with the toys and laughing just like ordinary kids would. When you saw them like this you wouldn’t be able to guess that all of them were ill and that most of them probably wouldn’t make it past their tenth birthday.

They were so very much alive and it should be considered a crime to just rob them of a single minute of playing, of just being kids. The children all looked up at him with big smiles, eyes bright with excitement as he stepped into the room. Yeah, Louis snuck over here quite often and played with the children for as long as he possibly could. What did you expect? He was like a big kid himself and he felt so at peace around the children. They didn’t care about how he looked or how much money he earned or what education he had. If Louis was fun to play with and happy then they were over the moon. A little boy immediately stood up and dropped his toy truck so he could run over to Louis and wrap his little arms around Louis’ waist to give him a tight hug. 

  
”It’s raining today so we have to play inside the entire day,” The boy complained and took a step back so he could pout up at Louis and cross his arms over his chest to really display his dismay over being stuck inside this room the entire day. ”Really? Well, that’s just unfair isn’t it?” Louis laughed as he walked over to the other children by the pillows and sat down so that he was on their level. Most of the children were pretty shy but Louis somehow made them come out of their shell. He didn’t really know what it was. Maybe it was because he was a child on the inside and they felt some kind of spiritual connection with him.

A little girl he knew as Rebecca walked up to him and tugged ever so gently at his sleeve to catch his attention. Louis smiled weakly at her and scooped her up so she was sitting in his lap. She was one of the shiest kids at the hospital and Louis knew that he shouldn’t get attached to anyone that could disappear from him any day but he just couldn’t help it. She was suffering from lymphoma and could live for everything between one year to sixty if the treatment ever started working.

”Louis, could you read us a story?” She mumbled quietly and looked up at him with her brown, almond shaped eyes.  
Louis sort of felt like crying whenever he came in here because it just wasn’t fair that these wonderful children had to spend their childhood in a hospital with days filled with pain and suffering. If he could make them happy by reading them a story then he’d like read them thousands of stories.

”I’ll read you any story you want, I promise. Just tell me a story you want me to read and I’ll do it,” The kids cheered and clapped their hands in delight as they quickly hurried to sit down on the pillows around him. Rebecca smiled happily up at him and reached up to straighten the pink scarf she was wearing on her head. ”Could you read Snow White, Louis?”

Louis spent about an hour inside the children’s room and Rebecca sat in his lap the whole time while he told them the story about Snow White and the seven dwarves. Louis just loved to see the kids happy and especially Rebecca. He didn’t really know what it was with her that made him care especially for her. Maybe it was the fact that she reminded him of his sisters when they were younger or that she was the youngest child here at just four years of age.

”Don’t you think it is time for you to take a nap, princess?” Rebecca pursed her lips and shook her head at Louis’ suggestion, but he could see that she was struggling to keep her eyes open. The medicine made her slow and tired, so unlike the healthy and happy child she was supposed to be. He smiled softly at her and stood up with her in his arms without a problem. The little girl immediately wrapped her thin arms tightly around his neck.  
”I’ll carry you to the bed, princess,” Louis murmured softly and rubbed small circles over her back as he walked through the room to her bed. The wall behind her bed was covered with drawings and her bedside table had a stack of picture books on it, all of them about princesses and princes.

It broke his heart to see this because Rebecca had spent most of her short life in here, sick and in pain. The doctors didn’t even think that she’d make it this far so she was some kind of miracle. Though, Louis knew so damn well that miracles were rare and that this could turn within a second.

”You good, sweetie?” Louis asked once he’d put her down on the bed and had tucked her in properly. The little girl smiled brightly at him and nodded quickly, reaching out to grab Louis’ hand in a tight grip. ”Will you come back tomorrow too, Louis? I want to hear you read Cinderella again,” Louis smiled brightly at that and nodded slowly, reaching to straighten her scarf that had become askew as he helped her down in the bed. ”Of course I’ll come here tomorrow again. This is the best part of my day and I wouldn’t give it up for anything,” That was completely true because Louis would much rather spend all of his time here than sorting those stupid gifts and letters. To be honest the kids were probably the reason why he hadn’t given up on this job yet.  
  
”Pinky promise?” Rebecca said with a big smile, showing off the gap she got when she lost her tooth just a few days ago. Louis chuckled and hooked his pinky fingers with hers.  
”I promise that I’ll come here and I’ll read Cinderella again,” Rebecca giggled and clapped her tiny little hands in excitement, brown eyes looking more alive than they did just an hour ago. This was what Louis wanted to achieve, he wanted to see the kids smile and wanted to see that spark of life in their eyes that many of them had lost such a long time ago.  
”I like you the most, Louis. You have the prettiest clothes because they are pink and pink is my favorite color,” She said and pointed up at the pink scarf she was wearing. Sure, Louis didn’t like his pink scrubs, they were extremely unmanly and he felt slightly embarrassed when he walked around in them. But in that moment he didn’t feel like doing anything about that anymore.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later Louis was walking from room to room handing out letters and gifts that had been sent to the patients from friends and family. It was nice to see people light up as they got a letter from a loved one or a vase of fresh flowers to keep on their nightstand since most of them weren’t able to go out and enjoy the beautiful garden outside. Louis pushed his little cart out of the room after waving goodbye to the lady who received both a letter and a fresh bouquet of roses from her grandchildren. She’d been very talkative and Louis honestly felt a little bad when he needed to leave her and continue to the other rooms. He picked up another bouquet of roses and furrowed his brows as he looked down at the card, trying to figure out if the room was anywhere nearby this one or if he’d have to go to go around the entire ward just to deliver them. He hadn’t really come up with a system for his deliveries yet and he knew that he should’ve done it on his first day to make the job easier for himself. But Louis was a lazy ass and he just didn’t bother.

Someone cleared their throat nearby and Louis looked up, face still screwed up in concentration.  
”Uhm, hi, I was just wondering if you could tell me where room number twenty-four is? I haven’t been at this hospital before so I’m kind of lost,” Louis chuckled softly and raised a brow at the green eyed boy that was wearing a beanie, skinny jeans and a hoodie despite the warm weather.

”Shouldn’t a nurse show you the way to that room when you sign in at the reception?” Louis asked softly and offered the boy a lopsided little smile. The boy smiled sheepishly and tugged a little on the sleeves of his hoodie so they were covering his hands.  
”Well, to be honest I sort of lost the nurse so-” he trailed off and grimaced before clearing his throat, clearly embarrassed over the entire situation. Louis chuckled softly at the boys explanation and brushed away his fringe from his eyes before he opened his mouth to speak.

”You’re lucky because room twenty-three is just down the corridor and to the left and I’m actually heading that way to deliver some roses so I can personally escort you to that room,” Louis offered with a small smile and a raised brow at the lad who smiled brightly back at him, all deep dimples and eye crinkles.  
”Thank you so much, that would be so nice of you,” the boy said with a relieved chuckle and straightened his beanie.   
”It’s nothing to thank for, really. I was heading that way anyway,” Louis said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

They walked under silence and it was that kind of silence that just made you want to bash your head against the wall in misery because it was so embarrassing and uncomfortable. The beanie clad lad probably felt the same because it didn’t take long before he opened his mouth and started speaking.  
”Is this your job, walking around and handing out flowers to people?” Louis glanced up at him with a sigh and grimaced a little.  
”Yeah, most of the time it is. I walk around here and give people their letters and gifts. I swear to god I’ve walked more during my time here than what’s healthy. My feet are constantly sore and I’m getting real tired of roses. Honestly, can’t people be a little more creative? I mean, roses, everyone sends roses,” Louis complained and rolled his eyes at the boy.

What? His job was boring and he’d pricked his fingers on enough rose thorns for an entire fucking lifetime. The boy laughed loudly and tugged on the strings of his hoodie as he shrugged his broad shoulders.  
”Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Roses aren’t really my favorite either but it’s nice to know that people are thinking about you, yeah?” Louis nodded and looked up at the lad again, offering him a little grin as they stopped outside room number twenty-three.  
”I suppose so. Well, uhm, here we are, good luck with your-” Louis trailed off and grimaced a little because he didn’t know what the lad was here for and whatever it was it couldn’t really be anything good since, well, he was here. Nothing was really good when you got sent to this place and he hoped for the guys sake that he wouldn’t have to stay here.

The guy just chuckled and tilted his head to the side, clearly entertained by Louis’ embarrassment.  
”I’m here to get a dose of Cytoxan so they’ll give me a shot. To be honest I fucking hate needles and right now I’m just standing here to avoid going in there,” Louis laughed softly and rolled his eyes at the guy. ”Yeah because making small talk with me is way less painful than getting a shot,” Louis said sarcastically and grinned at the boy as he once again took a hold of his little cart. 

”I’d really love to stay here and talk some more but to be honest I have to deliver these letters. The guy in number twenty-six is a pain in the ass, trust me,” Louis laughed softly and the boy just smiled at him, leaning casually against the wall next to room number twenty-three. ”Goodbye then, flower boy,” Louis grimaced at that and raised his hand to wave at the boy as he continued down the corridor. That was just what he needed, another stupid nickname. Stan was already calling him pinkie and now this stranger decided to call him flower boy. When would his misery come to an end?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Chelsea. I hate you freaking asparagus.

Louis didn’t stay at the hospital every single day, he actually got the weekends off but that didn’t really matter since he was way too tired from work to actually do something during the weekends. Or maybe Louis was simply just incredibly lazy. Yeah, he was just incredibly lazy and felt like anything where he had to put clothes on wasn’t worth doing. Though, he was still sitting fully clothed in Niall’s apartment eating pizza. The pizza part of it all was really important because if there hadn’t been any pizza there then Louis wouldn’t have been there either.

”So, how’s the job at the hospital?” Niall hummed while he chewed on his pizza. Good manners had never been Niall's strong side but it didn't really matter right now since they all were sort of half dead and way too warm to bother doing anything of importance. They'd tried to write a few new songs and write some music but nothing really happened and they gave up when the pizza arrived.  
Louis shrugged and brought his beer to his lips to take a sip of the bitter brewage, grimacing a little at the taste of it. Niall always bought the worst beer possible and Louis just forced it down because he wanted to relax properly and because he was too lazy to go to the kitchen and get some water.

"It's going pretty well, I don't really know. I mean, it's boring as hell and I get yelled on a lot when I bring people the wrong things and shit but at least I get payed," Louis said softly and took one last bite of his pizza slice.  
"You sure you won't like catch any diseases they have at the hospital?" Louis looked over at Liam and rolled his eyes before chucking a piece of pepperoni at the brown eyed male who ducked so it instead hit Zayn's cheek.  
"I work with people who have heart diseases or cancer. You know, shit that kills you and it's not things that you can catch or anything so you don't have to worry about that," Louis said and brushed his hair out of his eyes as he grimaced at Liam.

It was a horrible thing to say but it was true. Most of the patients Louis met wouldn't make it to the end of the year and they were constantly replaced by new people who also hoped that they would be the one to make it. Everyone at the hospital just took it day by day. To be honest Louis was quite scared that he would turn into one of them before his time at the hospital was over. He didn't want to turn into one of those doctors who had seen so much death and pain that it didn't affect them anymore.

"Let's not talk about the hospital anymore, yeah? I mean, it's really not that interesting and I happen to know that I promised Niall that I'd be on his team for a round of fifa," Louis said and chuckled softly as Zayn pouted and shook his head. "No, I don't wanna play with Liam, he sucks and we'll just end up losing," Zayn whined and moved out of the way as Liam tried to reach over and smack him over the head. "Hey! I'm not that bad, I made a score against Louis last time we played!" Liam cried and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "It was only because Niall decided that it would be fun to empty the popcorn bowl over my head, Liam," Louis teased and winked at the brown eyed one who rolled his eyes and picked up a pillow to chuck in Louis' direction. Of course he ended up missing and instead hit Niall right in the face. Everything just sorta went downhill from there and soon they were in a big pile, wrestling each other and screaming like little children.

They were all lucky that they were healthy and were able to do things like these, were able to wrestle and have fun together just like people their age should. They really took it for granted and never really thought about how other people that weren't as lucky as them had it. Why would they when they already were so buys with their own lives? They needed to get a job, an apartment, pay loans and rents. They also had to worry about finding 'the one' and starting a family of their own. They never really thought about how lucky and privileged they were to be able to actually worry about small and unimportant stuff like that. There were people out there who would gladly give their right arm to be able to have what they had and one of those people was Harry Styles.

 

* * *

 

Harry was a miracle, an exception, a wonder. The doctors had told Anne that he probably wouldn’t live another year when he got his diagnosis and that he wouldn’t be able to experience his fifth birthday. Harry Styles was a wonder. He shouldn’t be here still but yet he was. It was like he was being kept alive for a special purpose, like there was something he was meant to do before he was allowed to leave the land of the living.

About eighteen years ago Anne gave birth to a healthy little boy with green eyes and a dark brown tuft of hair on his head. Harry had been a happy and lively child and just loved to play around with his older sister and the neighbors kids. She’d never thought that her beloved son would ever get sick and she’d sort of tried to brush it off as nothing in the beginning.  
It all started when Harry was about three years old. They called from Harry’s kindergarten and told her that Harry was having a headache and seemed to have fever. Anne wasn’t too concerned about it. After all kids got sick all the time and it wasn’t the first time Harry had been sick. Anne picked him up from kindergarten and made him go to bed as soon as they came home.

Anne beat herself up for a long time after this because she thought that maybe if they’d discovered it earlier on then they would’ve been able to treat him. If they’d seen it sooner then maybe they would’ve been able to put an end to his sickness. Not even Gemma could make him get up even though she promised that he could play with all of her dollies, even the especially nice one. Anne couldn’t possibly know that Harry had something that was way worse than a common cold, but that didn’t stop her from blaming herself for being so stubborn.

The days went on and Harry didn’t seem to get any better despite Anne’s gentle care. Instead the little boy only got worse and he just stayed in his bed since he was way too tired to even sit up properly. By then Anne had to accept that something was horribly wrong with her son, that he was way sicker than she’d feared.  
They rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night when Harry was struggling to breathe. He just wouldn’t stop coughing and not even his mothers gentle voice could calm the boy down.

The nightmare started and Harry didn’t leave the hospital for a very long time. Anne remembered how they had to hold Harry down when they tried to take a blood sample. He was so weak and tired but he still to fight and cried for his mother to stop the doctors, that they were hurting him. Anne just broke down when she saw her baby struggling, screaming and crying for her to help him until the anesthetic made him pass out. She wanted to cry and scream, wanted to do just what Harry did and be taken care of by someone. But she needed to stay strong for Harry.

Just taking the tests was a real nightmare and Anne hadn't been able to imagine that things soon would get a lot worse, that they'd soon get news that would change their lives forever. She was sitting next to Harry on the hospital bed, cradling his curls and pushing them away from his forehead so she could lean down and press a featherlight kiss to the feverish skin.  
"You'll be okay, love," Anne murmured ever so quietly, nosing against Harry's temple and just breathing in the familiar scent of her baby boy. Harry only stirred at that, furrowed his brows and creaked his eyes open to look at his mother.  
He was scared, scared of the doctors and the needles, but most of all scared of being away from his mother.

"I don't want to be here anymore," Harry whispered ever so quietly, voice airy and thin as he tried to hold his tears back. Harry was only three years old but he knew loads of things. For example he knew that the moon wasn't made of cheese and he also knew how to blow bubbles because Gemma had taught him that just a few weeks ago. Harry knew loads of things and one of the most important things he knew was that his mum hated to see him cry. He knew that it made her upset and that was the last thing he wanted.

Anne forced a smile and tucked some silky curls behind Harry's ear as she leaned down to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I know, darling. You won't have to stay here for much longer, I promise," that was a huge fat lie but she couldn't possibly know that at the time. She was really just trying to convince herself that everything would be fine and that Harry would turn out to be healthy and that she'd be able to bring him home again, that this was a nightmare that soon would come to an end.

Sometimes she wondered why they had to be cursed this way, why Harry had to get sick. She felt egoistic when she thought about that because it was like she was hoping that this would've happened to someone else, that someone else's family would have to go through the pain they'd been through. It was egoistic but she just couldn't stop it, couldn't stop wishing that this would've happened to someone else instead of Harry. Most of all she wanted this whole damn thing to just disappear forever and that no one would have to get sick ever again.

That was silly because someone wouldn't magically make cancer disappear over night and there would still be people dying because of it every single day. There would still be families that was torn apart by this sickness ruthless disease. Wouldn't it be nice with a future where people could go "Hey, remember when people died of cancer?". Well, maybe there will be a future where that's possible but by then it would be too late for Harry.

Harry soon fell asleep, unknowing of what was coming towards him at 100 mph and soon would smack him and his family in the face and laugh as it brought them down to their knees. Anne had left the room and was standing there in the middle of the corridor and she knew that there would be bad news because she could see it in the doctors face. She could see that he was pitying her. He probably had children of his own, maybe Harry's age and he knew that this would just break her because he also knew that many children diagnosed with leukemia didn't make it.

Anne hadn't really known what leukemia was when she was told that Harry had it but she understood one word. Cancer. A word so disgusting and hated that it should be illegal. You always got the same effect whenever you mentioned that word. Pitying faces, adverted gazes and low words that was meant to console but only made you feel even worse because they would still be able to go home to the perfectly healthy family of theirs and go to bed without worrying wether their child would be alive or not the next morning.

Harry never really got to leave the hospital after that day because there were always some tests to take, a new medicine to try. Harry was also extremely fragile and they felt like it was best if Harry got to stay at the hospital where they could keep an eye on him around the clock.  
Of course he got to go home now and then and he was never alone since they made sure to visit him as often as possible, comfort him and calm him down. Though, they never promised that they'd take him home, that he'd be fine sooner or later. Anne had stopped with that when Harry was diagnosed because she didn't want to fool herself anymore, didn't want to give herself false hope that Harry would somehow be the exception, be the child who made it despite what the doctors had told them.

They'd been sure that Harry wouldn't make it, that his chances of survival were so slim that he most likely wouldn't survive his fifth birthday. But Harry wanted to live, needed to stay alive for his family. They'd been so sure that Harry wouldn't make it and Anne was so scared. Scared that she'd have to put her child in the ground before he got to really start living his life. A child who's lost his mother and father is called orphan. But what do you call it when a parent loses their child?

Everyone thought that Harry wouldn't make it so it was a great surprise when Harry started to respond well to the medicine and actually got better. Anne allowed herself to hope, to believe that Harry actually would be fine and would live a fairly normal life. His condition was stabilized but that didn't mean that the cancer was gone. They simply just had it under some kind of control now.

Harry got to go to school and lived a pretty normal life from the age of twelve to the age of eighteen. Anne had dared to tell herself that the cancer was gone, that Harry was healthy now and that they'd never have to go through something like this again.  
God, she was so wrong that it was painful and it sort of made her want to punch herself in the face because it was so fucking typical that she'd gotten her hopes up only to have them crushed. It felt like it was laughing her in the face, making fun of her silly little hopes and childish dreams of a having a healthy child.

Harry went to one of his usual controls late spring the year he'd turned eighteen and got told that his cancer was getting worse, that he'd soon be as ill as he was when he was a child. Harry had Acute Myeloid Leukemia and basically that meant that his white blood cells were defect and couldn't function properly. It also meant that they disturbed the making of red blood cells and made their number drop dangerously low. Harry's cancer had calmed down for a couple of years and being told that it was getting worse again just made Harry sort of give up on himself. Don't get him wrong, he'd fight and he hoped that he'd get better and that the treatment would work. But he felt like this was it, that it was a sign of some sort that his time was coming to an end. He knew that he'd lived on borrowed time since he was three years old and maybe this meant that it was time to go, that he'd lived long enough.

So Harry's cancer was getting worse and he'd have to start treatment again as soon as possible to keep it from getting worse too quickly. That was why he was sitting in the too white and clean room at the hospital, staring up at the roof as a nurse prepared him for the shot she'd give him by cleaning his arm up. It was like traveling back in time to when he was a little kid and had to hold his mothers hand as the nurses gave him his shots or took tests. But now she wasn't there to hold his hand and tell him that he'd be fine. Harry was too old for that, too old to sit there and squeeze his mothers hand as the nurse brought out the needle.

Of course his mother wanted to come with him just like she did when he was a little kid, but Harry had told her that this was something he had to do by himself. She couldn't fight his battles for him anymore, he had to do it on his own. Harry wanted to protect her, she'd done so much for him and he just wanted to be able to do this on his own, give her a chance to calm down and live her own life. She quit her job when Harry first got sick and only went back just a few years ago when it looked like Harry would be fine, like the battle was over and they were standing on the winning side.

"Are you ready, Harry?" The nurse asked and offered Harry a small smile. She could probably feel how nervous he was. His hand was shaking and he'd chewed so hard on his bottom lip that he'd broken the skin. God, he shouldn't be this nervous. He'd gotten loads of shots through his life and he knew that it didn't hurt at all. "Yeah, I'm fine," Harry murmured and cleared his throat, closing his eyes and pulling in a deep breath as he felt the needle go through his skin. It wasn't the needle he was scared of. He was scared of the medicine, the sickness. If you needed to get medicine then you were seriously ill. It was sort of a confirmation, it made everything so real and terrifying. That's why he tried to fell himself that he wasn't scared at all just because it kept him from breaking down and crying like he did when he was little.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis was digging through his backpack, hair askew and cheeks flushed as the cashier impatiently kept on drumming her long red nails against the top of the counter. Louis had been sure that he put his wallet in his bag in the morning when he spoke to Zayn on the phone and tried to talk him into convincing his boss that they had to play another gig at the bar he worked at on the weekends. 

The black haired boy had very reluctantly agreed to try and talk to his boss about it even though he was scared shitless of the older male. 

 They hadn't really impressed Zayn's boss the last time they played there because Liam had gotten way too drunk and sorta ended up falling over one of the amplifiers so that it fell off the little stage and got crushed. 

Of course they'd offered to pay for it as soon as they were done laughing at Liam's clumsiness but the man still had something against the boys after that incident. 

 The boys did have some fans who made sure to be at each one of their little gigs around town and yeah, maybe they were mostly close friends but whatever. Louis knew that their music was good and he was just trying to figure out how to make everyone else see it as well. Louis wouldn't call himself the leader of the band in front of the others but in his head he saw himself as the leader of the group, the top dog as to say it. 

 Louis had pleaded Zayn to try and had made his voice as sweet as he possibly could in the process. Louis could be extremely stubborn at times and he could act just like a toddler when he didn't get what he wanted. Zayn knew about this so it wasn't really surprising when the black haired male sighed deeply on the other end of the line. 

 "Fine, I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything, Louis," Zayn muttered and Louis was really trying to hide the fact that he was smirking while he continued speaking. 

"You're the best, Zayn, I'll never bother you again, promise," Louis solemnly promised and he really believed it himself for a moment before Zayn scoffed and he could really sense how he was rolling his eyes. 

"Yeah, right, I can hear how you're grinning and we both know that you'll annoy me with something new next week," It was true that Louis wouldn't be able to keep his promise but it wasn't like Zayn minded helping him out or anything. 

 Zayn and Louis were partners in crime, two polar opposites who somehow worked together. Zayn was often quite silent and enjoyed just listening to other people talking. He was a little timid, careful about making new connections and opening himself up to new people. Louis was the complete opposite, an open book and he just didn't know when it was time to shut up and stop fooling around. 

 Well, back to Louis trying to buy a mug of coffee at the hospital cafeteria. Honestly, if Stan had worked today then there would be no problem. Stan would've told Louis that it was on the house or that he could pay later or something like that. But sometimes luck wasn't on your side and today Louis had to stand there and listen to the sound of nails drumming against wood as he dug through his messy bag. 

"Just wait a second, I know I put it in this morning," Louis muttered for the third time in a minute, brows furrowed and teeth digging into his thin bottom lip as he searched through the messiness that was the inside of his backpack. To be honest it was like a bomb had gone off inside it and Louis knew that he should fix it up and organize it all but just like he didn't organize the letters he wouldn't fix this either. He was just a messy person in general and felt kinda out of place here at the hospital where everything had to be clean and perfect. It just wasn't Louis' way of living. 

 ”There’s actually others waiting for their turn to pay, Tomlinson,” The girl snapped and well, if she by others meant the air around them then there were a lot of others waiting for Louis to find his wallet so that they would be able to pay for their overpriced coffee. 

 ”It’s okay, Sandra, I got it,” Louis looked up just in time to see the same boy he’d seen a few days prior smile at the girl and hand her a couple of bills for both his own and Louis’ coffee. Once again the boy was wearing a big beanie and a sweater even though the sun was shining outside. 

 The girl behind the counter just grimaced and put the money in the cash register without another word. Louis didn’t really understand how someone could be that cranky but she probably had her reasons. Maybe she’d just broken up with someone or maybe she put soap on her toothbrush instead of toothpaste this morning. 

That wasn’t an uncommon thing, okay? Louis had done it a few times when he was too tired to pay attention to what he was doing and there were probably loads of people out there around the world who had done the same thing. 

 Five minutes later Louis was sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria, silently sipping his coffee while watching the green eyed boy sitting right in front of him. Louis didn’t really know how to break the silence and he wanted it to be something smart and witty so that he wouldn’t look stupid in front of this friendly stranger. 

 ”So, uhm, how did you know that her name was Sandra?” Louis asked and took another sip of the coffee and grimaced a little at the bitter taste. To be honest he’d never liked the taste of coffee so he only drank it because it made him wake up a little after a long day of work. 

 The green eyed boy chuckled softly and offered Louis a small smile as he rolled his eyes like the answer to the question was obvious.   
"She’s wearing a name tag, flower boy,” The green eyed one said with a soft giggle as he lifted his mug up and took a sip of his own coffee. 

 ”Oh, I never really noticed that. Maybe that’s why she’s always so cranky when she sees me?” Louis hummed softly and offered the other male a little smile.

 ”She was like that the last time I came here too but I think I’m starting to grow on her,” Now it was time for Louis to roll his eyes because Sandra certainly hadn’t looked happier when she looked at the green eyed one than when she looked at him. 

”Yeah, you’re growing on her like-” Louis silenced before he could finish because what if this guy had a tumor? Last time Louis saw him he’d been in the oncology ward and yeah, it was probably better to be silent, avoid insulting someone he’d just met. 

 Though, the green eyed male smirked at him with a raised brow and Louis could tell that he knew how the joke would’ve ended. 

”Like a what now?” God, Louis wanted to punch him in the face right now. Something that would be a great shame because the stranger was pretty or whatever. But still, Louis could tell that he knew and he still wanted Louis to finish, to embarrass himself even further. 

 ”Genital warts?” Louis murmured quietly and smiled sheepishly at the other male, just hoping that the boy wouldn’t be offended over his lack of finesse.

 But Louis didn’t have to worry about upsetting the boy because as soon as Louis made his comment the green eyed boy was doubling over in his chair, clutching at his stomach for dear life. 

People were turning around to stare at them, to see who or maybe what was making those noises. The green eyed one was laughing like a maniac, snorting and cackling like crazy. Louis should’ve been laughing at him, should’ve been making fun of him for his dorky laugh, but Louis was simply just staring at him with a small smile on his face. 

 

> That was the first time he heard it. The most beautiful sound ever known to man. Well, maybe not to everyone but to the one who loved this green eyed boy to bits it was the most beautiful sound in the world. You've probably guessed it already anyway so it's not like I'm ruining anything. The green eyed boy was Harry and this was the first time Louis heard his beautiful laugh. Yeah, Harry was cackling and snorting, his face was pink and blotchy and it looked like he was having an attack. But God didn’t it take Louis' breath away.

 

"Jesus Christ, mate, calm down it wasn't even that funny," Louis said with a chuckle and shook his head at the green eyed boy who was wiping himself underneath the eyes while trying to make himself stop laughing. People were still staring at them and even though Louis could feel their judging eyes he just couldn't bring himself to about them. 

Louis always made an ass of himself so it was actually pretty nice to be considered the sane one for once. 

 "Shut up, it was really funny," Louis laughed at the boy and shook his head once again, brushing his soft fringe out of his eyes before he took another sip of his now lukewarm coffee. 

 "The only funny thing was your silly laugh," Louis teased and raised a brow at the guy who just scoffed and rolled his eyes at Louis with a small smile before he reached down to pick up his phone from his jean pocket. 

Louis noticed the slight furrow of his brows and the purse of his lips but it wasn't any of his business and even though Louis could be a bit improper at times he wasn't one to put his nose into other's business. 

 "I have to go now but it was nice meeting you again," the boy said as he stood up and dropped his mug in a trashcan nearby their little table. 

"Wait, I have to pay you back for the coffee," Louis said hurriedly as he stood up from his chair. He'd totally forgotten about that but it was important for him to pay for himself and he had a pretty hard time accepting things from others. It was probably because of how he'd been brought up. His mother always told him to be thankful for what he had not be greedy. 

 The green eyed male chuckled and made a dismissive hand gesture as if it didn't matter at all to him if he got his money back or not. 

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll pay me back someday, Louis," he said and Louis could see how he was smirking, clearly proud of the fact that he knew Louis' name even though he hadn't asked for it. 

 The boy laughed softly at Louis' questioning look and tugged a little at the sleeves of his thick sweater. 

”I know your name because I saw it on your name tag the last time I saw you here," the boy said and shrugged his shoulders with a little chuckle. 

 

* * *

 

Later that day Louis went to the park with his two youngest sisters Daisy and Phoebe. He'd forgotten everything about the strange boy at the hospital with the quickly laugh and was just concentrating on keeping an eye on his sisters. Louis had promised them that he would take them to the park to feed the ducklings after the twins had refused to go to the dentist last week and now he just couldn't postpone it anymore. 

 Louis sighed softly and ran a hand through his fringe, irritatedly pushing it away from his clammy forehead. The twins were feeding the ducks while he sat on the bench nearby and tried to avoid melting away due to the heat. It was extraordinary warm for a summer in England and even though Louis usually liked the heat this was just too much for him. 

 It was a beautiful evening and it was still sunny enough outside to think that it was in the middle of the day. It was one of the good things about summer, the darkness didn’t force you to go inside early in the afternoon and it wasn’t dark when you came home from work either. 

 There was a soft breeze and it was just enough to ruffle Louis’ hair and cool down his clammy skin at least a little bit. He was lucky he choose to wear a tank top and a pair of shorts because if he’d worn more clothes then he probably would’ve died of heatstroke by now. 

 "Louis, come and feed the ducks with us!" Daisy called and waved frantically at Louis, dropping some bread in the process that was instantly devoured by the ducks around her. Louis had never liked birds and to be honest he was pretty scared of them. That's why he'd much rather stay here on the bench, a safe distance from those flying monsters. 

 "Uhm, I think I'll stay here for now girls," Louis coughed and looked down at the white ducks and their yellow little babies that was trampling about around Phoebe's and Daisy's feet. Sure, the ducklings were pretty cute but that didn't change the fact that they could nip you and fly up in your face and peck out your eyes. 

 Okay, Louis was very dramatic and he actually knew that the ducks weren't dangerous at all but it didn't change the fact that he had a strong hatred towards birds. It probably had something to do with the fact that he'd been chased by a rooster when he was three years old. How could Louis possibly know that roosters didn't like to be petted? 

 "Louis, please," Phoebe pleaded and walked over to him with a pout on her lips that usually gave her exactly what she wanted. Daisy looked just the same whenever she wanted something and usually Louis would've given in immediately just because they looked so cute. Yeah, he was spoiling his sisters but he didn't care about it since they deserved to be treated like little princesses from time to time. 

 "I don't think so, love. You and Daisy are fine on your own so you don't need me over there," Louis said and coughed awkwardly, nervously scratching the back of his neck as Daisy bounced over to them, bringing the whole caravan of ducks along with her in the process. 

 "Louis come on, you don't hate to be scared of the ducks, they're really nice!" Daisy laughed as she grabbed one of Louis' hands. Phoebe quickly grabbed the other one and they both actually managed to pull him up on his feet. 

The ducks were quacking loudly around their feet, stumbling around clumsily and bumping into each other in their eagerness. Louis' face was screwed up in distaste and he wanted nothing more than to just run off and abandon the twins by the ducks. Every man and woman for him or herself, yeah? 

 "Don't worry, Louis, the ducks won't hurt you," Daisy giggled and hugged Louis' hand before she let go to fish up some bread from the plastic bag she was holding in her free hand. She then handed the piece of bread to Louis and looked hopefully at him. 

 "Do I really have to do this?" Of course Louis didn't want to disappoint his sisters and he didn't really want to be a buzz killer but the ducks were gross and Louis would really hate to her bird shit on his shoes. 

 "Yes! The ducks are hungry and you have to feed them, Louis!" Phoebe said and pouted up at Louis, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as she irritatedly tapped her foot against the ground. She really reminded Louis of his mother at that moment with the same little irritated wrinkle between the eyebrows and the same purse of the lips. 

 Louis closed his eyes for a moment and sighed ever so deeply, clutching at the piece of bread he held in his slightly sweaty hand. God, he really was scared of birds, he wasn't playing it up but he had to feed the fucking ducks anyway because Daisy and Phoebe wanted him to do that. What didn't he do for his sisters? They should be really fucking grateful to be honest. 

 "Fine, I'll do it, I'll feed the ducks," Louis muttered quietly and opened his eyes to look down at the monsters by his feet. Louis slowly peeled some bread away from the bigger piece and threw it down at the ducks who started to fight over it and quack wildly in the process. Louis threw down another piece a bit further away to increase the distance between himself and the ducks. Sure, he was feeding them now but that didn't change his opinion. Birds were still gross to him and the ducks were no exception. 

 Phoebe and Daisy seemed quite pleased with him and went back to throwing bread at the ducks and giggling as the ducks ran to catch it before someone else managed to grab it. Louis had to admit that it was a little fun to see the fluffy little ducklings stumble over each other in their desperation to get to the bread first and maybe just maybe they looked a little cute. 

 Louis would never admit it but he was incredibly relieved when the bread was finished and the twins decided that they wanted to go to the swings instead. He was happy to push his sisters on the swings and hear them shriek in delight as their tummies tickled and that just made them want to go higher and higher. 

It wasn't like they couldn't swing by themselves but they just preferred to have Louis pushing them instead. But Louis didn't complain, he was so happy to go away from the ducks that he'd gladly push them on the swings for the rest of the evening if they asked him to do that. 

 

 The twins were silent on their way home and that just proved how tired they'd become from running around in the park. They were walking on either side of him, holding his hands tightly in their smaller ones as they walked through the neighborhood together. Louis was also really tired but it was nothing he would admit to his sisters. He was their bigger brother so he was supposed to stay up much later than them and go to parties and hook up with pretty girls and boys.

 Of course they were too young to know about the last part but you get the idea.

 The twins fell asleep almost immediately after Louis put them in bed and he just had to stand there and watch them for a moment in the doorway before he went over to his old room. It felt like it was just yesterday his mother told him that he would get yet another little sister or maybe even a little brother. He’d never in a million years believed that he would end up getting the two loveliest little twin sisters you could ever have. 

 Louis slept as his mothers house from time to time and tonight he was just way too tired to go back to his own apartment. It was still his home and he came over to eat dinner most nights because he was quite shit at cooking to be honest. But the biggest reason why he came over so often was simply because he loved his mother and sisters. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Louis was drunk. Not so drunk that he didn't know what he was doing but drunk enough to smile for no particular reason and be a bit unsteady on his feet. His friends persuaded him to go out and have some fun, let loose and maybe meet someone to take home and then never see ever again. The blue eyed boy had reluctantly agreed to it because he hadn't really been in the mood to go to some packed club and hit on stupid girls or guys he probably wouldn't remember the name off within twenty-four hours. 

Okay, he was being unfair to the guys and girls here, they were probably not all stupid. Louis was just in a pissy mood because work was shit and his apartment was shit and everything was really just shitty. Well, his tattoos weren't shit at all. Louis’ tattoos were cool and his friends thought so too, they just had to. Drunk Louis was pretty sure that there was law for that. 

So maybe not everything was shit but a lot of things were and the fact that he hadn’t gotten laid in forever wasn't really making anything better at all. 

Louis hadn't been in a lot of relationships but he'd had a few girlfriends and one boyfriend before. All of these relationships went down the toilet because they simply got tired of each other. Louis knew that he could be a little too much at times but at least he wasn’t a boring motherfucker like most of his past partners turned out to be. 

Louis groaned and brought his beer back to his lips, taking a big gulp of it before setting it back down on the bar. The music was loud and his ears were hurting. What was the point of him being here? He was in a bad mood and being hungover tomorrow wouldn't really make him feel any better about himself now would it? Besides, he didn't really feel like dancing with anyone despite the fact that his dick was screaming for it so he should just go home and have a sad and lonely wank in the shower or something. 

Zayn, Liam and Niall were off somewhere, probably dancing. Stan wasn't even there at all because he was on a date or something like that. Louis was all alone by the bar with his beer, feeling incredibly sorry for himself because he didn't have someone to dance with even though it was his own fault for being so pissy. 

Louis was just about to finish his beer and leave when a girl sat down just next to him. He didn't notice her because of her pretty face or her beautiful body. Instead Louis just stared at her blue hair with furrowed brows. His drunken mind didn't really work that quickly and for a second he actually thought that it was her natural hair color. Though, he wasn't drunk enough to open his mouth and say anything about that. 

However, the girl caught him looking and probably assumed that he was staring at her cleavage or something. She fixed him with a cold glare and brushed her hair away from her eyes with an irritated sigh. 

"Can I help you or something?" She asked and raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow at Louis as she drummed her fingers against the wooden surface of the bar, instantly reminding Louis of the girl who worked at the hospital cafe, Sandra or whatever her name was. 

Louis shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment, just trying and collect himself before he opened his mouth and said something incredibly stupid that most likely would end up with Louis getting a drink thrown at his face. Yeah, it had happened before because he never really thought before he talked. 

"I'm sorry, I was just looking at your hair, it's pretty cool," Louis hummed and offered the girl a sheepish smile before he reached for his beer. The girl hadn't ordered a drink yet so it was best to keep his own away from her in case he'd piss her off. 

To his surprise the girl just chuckled and actually offered him a wide smile that made dimples appear on her cheeks. 

"Thanks, I just dyed it and to be honest I've been a bit worried about the color," she said softly, clearly giving Louis a once over. 

The blue eyed boy suddenly felt self-conscious in his old band tee, black skinny jeans and ratty old vans. They'd definitely seen better days and he knew that he should've thrown them away a long time ago. Louis did have several other pairs of shoes but he just couldn't bring himself to throw this pair away. 

Louis wasn't one to get sentimental over nicknacks and things like that but he just couldn't throw away clothes. His closet was full of clothes he rarely ever used and things he'd borrowed from his friends and never returned afterwards. 

For example, the tee he was wearing had once belonged to Niall but after Louis spent a night there it had permanently moved into Louis' closet instead. 

"It's actually really cool and I'm not just making that up. I'm a really shitty liar when I'm drunk so I'd never be able to lie about that. One time when I was seventeen and got drunk my mother called just to check on me and being the idiot I am I didn't hesitate to tell her that I was drinking with my friends. My mother got pretty mad to say the least," Louis said and smiled softly at the girl, hoping to draw another smile or even a little laugh out of her. 

Apparently the universe was on Louis' side because the girl laughed and shook her head at him like he was an idiot. Well, he probably was but at least he made her laugh. She looked really pretty when she laughed, all crinkly eyed with dimples and everything. 

"I know that I just met you but you're really an idiot," the girl laughed as she waved one of the bartenders over to them. Well, at least she laughed and didn't seem to uncomfortable in his company. He was still dry and she hadn't moved away to sit somewhere else so Louis would say that this was a success. 

"Let me buy a drink for you," Louis said and offered the girl a wide smile as the bartender came over to them. The girl looked over at him again, furrowing her brows as she gave him yet another once over. 

”Okay, just one drink and that’s it,” she said in a hushed tone that was barely just audible over the music and ran a hand through her blue, slightly wavy hair, offering Louis another warm smile that showed off her deep dimples perfectly. 

One drink turned into four and soon they abandoned the club and started walking through the quiet streets, just listening to the sounds of cars driving by or people laughing outside a bar across the road. The girl had Louis' jean jacket draped over her shoulders, not because it was particularly cold but Louis just thought that offering his jacket to her was the proper thing to do. 

"Have you ever wanted to drive away and not come back? Like, start a new life somewhere else where no one knows you. Just leave everything behind and forget about everything that has happened to you," Louis looked over at the girl and furrowed his brows. She was walking with her shoes in her hands, bare feet on the cold pavement. She said that her feet hurt, something about the shoes being a friends or maybe her mothers. Louis hadn't really been listening to be honest. 

"I guess so. I mean, it would be nice to just go somewhere you've never been and meet people who know nothing about you but I guess I'd miss my friends and my family too much to be able to stay away," Louis uttered and glanced over at the girl as she scoffed. 

She didn't say anything else after that until they walked into the park and sat down on a park bench. It was a bit cold, cold enough for dewdrops to rest on the grass and make it glitter in the moonlight. It was sort of spooky in a way because it was so fucking cliche and it almost felt like they were in a ghost story or something and that an axe murderer would turn up at any moment. 

Louis had always had a wild imagination ever since he was a little kid. He remembered one time when he and Stan had been at football practice and they'd been really lazy in the showers so Stan's dad ended up giving them a proper scolding in the car because he'd been waiting for about half an hour or whatever. Anyway, the day after Stan didn't come to school and Louis' imagination started to run wild. 

He imagined that Stan's dad had been so mad that he'd beaten Stan or maybe even murdered him after they came home. He could see it all, Stan lifeless on the floor while his father laughed like a maniac with an axe in his hands. 

Louis ended up riling himself up so much that he had to borrow the phone at the expedition and call home to Stan who only laughed at him and told him that he'd had a stomach ache that morning and his mother thought it was best to let him stay home and rest. Stan had never really allowed Louis to forget about that encounter and still liked to remind Louis about it now and then. 

"Why would you want to drive away and never return?" Louis asked quietly and glanced over at the blue haired girl who was just staring right ahead of herself. She was pretty, big eyes, full lips, cute nose. But there was something about her that just kept Louis from really trying. Normally he would've tried to take her home to his flat by now but he didn't even want to do that. He didn't want to take her home but at the same time he didn't want to stop talking to her either. It was just a complicated mess and he was too drunk to care about it. 

"There are things that I'd like to just get away from and forget about," she murmured and pulled Louis' oversized jacket a bit tighter around her body. 

"I figured that if you leave everything you don't want in your life anymore then maybe it'll just disappear with time. Of course I'd miss my family too but they are kind of what's causing all the problems," the girl laughed and looked over at Louis for a moment with a grimace on her face. 

Louis didn't really get it, if her family was causing problems then why didn't she just fix them? His drunken brain was slow and he didn't really think about the fact that there were problems you couldn't solve. Also, his family life was pretty great to say the least. His sisters were all lovely and his mother was probably the best mother someone could ever have. Not that he had any other mothers to compare with but his was pretty fucking great. 

"What's even your name?" Louis asked and he sorta wanted to punch himself because she was talking about some deep shit and he didn’t even know what to say so he just blurted out the first thing that came up in his head. Like give him a fucking Oscar or something because that was the wittiest thing anyone could ever come up with. The girl already knew his name, he’d told her at the bar but her name was still a mystery to him. 

 

”My name is Gemma," 

 

* * *

 

Gemma Styles’ life started out just like anyone else’s, she had a mother and a father who loved her and later on a little brother she loved to bits. She got seven years of normality before everything suddenly changed for the worse.

She hadn’t really been able to understand what it all meant at first because if her brother was sick then they should be able to fix him with some medicine or something her mum always gave her when she had the sniffles.

 Gemma remembered when Harry was still at home and she could hear him coughing in the middle of the night. It sounded like he was about to suffocate and her mother always rushed to help him. She just didn’t understand what was going on and her mother who always used to be so happy and strong was now staying up most nights to cry when she thought that Gemma and Harry were asleep.

Gemma got older and she started to understand that her brother would possibly die. Yeah, she accepted that her brother was going to die when she was only thirteen years old and Harry suffered from graft versus host.

Harry got a stem cell transplant and everything seemed to be okay until his body started to attack the donor’s cells started to attack Harry’s own cells. Harry developed rashes almost all over his entire body, from the neck down to be exact and the skin fell off in the affected places.

It was one of Gemma’s worst memories so she just tried to forget about Harry lying in the bed completely hairless with bandages covering most of his skin so the thick paste wouldn’t rub off as he slept. He slept a lot because the strong painkillers he got also caused him to get extremely sleepy. Though, it was probably for the best since he was unable to do much more than staying in bed.

The worst thing was that she sometimes wished that she didn’t have a brother.  She sometimes wished that Harry hadn’t been born because she was tired of having a sick brother. She was tired of saying goodbye to her brother over and over in her head and preparing herself for the day when he would disappear from her life forever. 

Sure, sometimes it was wonderful too like when Harry had good days. Sometimes they'd have a picnic in the forest with their mother. Harry loved the sounds of the forest, the birds and the sound of the wind going through the leaves. Though, Gemma sort of hated those days as well because seeing Harry happy and well just meant that another period of Harry half dead in his bed was on it's way. 

When Harry was twelve and about to turn thirteen his cancer seemed to calm down, it wasn't as bad anymore and it seemed like they had it under control. Of course everyone was happy that Harry was better but Gemma never really dared to believe that Harry was free from his cancer even as the years went by and nothing about his condition changed. 

Gemma was about to turn seventeen when Harry got to move home from the hospital. Well, he spent nights at home before that but now it was official and Harry would just have to go back for controls now and then. Everything seemed fine and Anne didn't cry at night anymore. Gemma would know if she did because most nights Gemma would sneak into Harry's room and just sit there and watch him while he slept. 

She knew that the cancer wasn't gone, she could feel it and she sorta felt like she needed to keep her eyes on Harry, had to watch over him in case he got worse again. She paid attention to everything and when she had to leave for uni she made sure to call him as often as she possibly could to ask him how he felt. Yeah, she was really protective of her brother so when she sometimes wished that he wasn't born it wasn't because she didn't want him there or because he was really annoying. 

Gemma could see the pain Harry was in and it was unfair and frustrating because there was nothing she could do to make her brother feel any better. But maybe just maybe there was a small part of her that felt bitter over the fact that her parents had been so busy with Harry almost her entire life. Maybe she sounded like a horrible spoiled brat but there were so many things they'd missed because of Harry's cancer, moments like her prom or when they'd promised her that she could have a party on her sixteenth birthday and they had to cancel it because Harry's infection from graft versus host was getting worse. 

Now she was twenty-two years old and Harry's cancer was back and this time she couldn't just walk into his room at night to keep an eye on him. She had to go to uni and she had to work during the weekends. And then there was the fact that she didn't want to see it this time. She wanted to remember her brother as the healthy person he'd been for the last few years and not as the pale, lifeless person he'd soon turn into. 

That was why she hung up as soon as she got the news and hadn't picked up the phone when Harry or Anne called or answered any of their many texts. Instead she just pretended that she was all alone in the world and focused on her studies and her job. 

 

* * *

 

"That's a really pretty name," Louis hummed and offered Gemma a small smile that went unnoticed. Louis didn't really know what to say because Gemma was just sitting there, toying with his jean jacket and staring down at the ground so her hair was hanging down in front of her face like a curtain. 

"Uhm, so I sorta understand why you'd might want to leave your family for a while. I have four little sisters and two in the making so it gets a bit too much at times. I mean, you never hear what you think around them and they have no respect for privacy or anything like that so you have to put locks on everything if you want to keep them out," Louis chuckled and looked over at the little pond where he, Daisy and Phoebe had fed ducks just a few days ago. He really loved them to bits and wouldn't trade them for anything even though they could be a bit too much at times. 

"But they're my siblings and as a mature older brother I have to be there and protect them from everything, you know?" Gemma was looking at him now but he couldn't really make out her expression through the darkness. Louis was really just babbling and he didn't really know what he was saying but he hoped that it made sense to her. 

"To be honest my sisters are probably the most important people in my life. Sure, I have good friends, great friends even. But my little sisters will always sorta be my responsibility and I'll always make sure that they're okay," Louis muttered and scrubbed a hand over his face with a sigh. Sometimes he did wish that his sisters could be quiet and still for a moment but it was the chaos he missed whenever he returned to his lonely little apartment. It was just too silent, too calm and too empty. 

 "Well, that just makes me a horrible human," she muttered and he could see how Gemma was pulling the jacket tighter around herself. It wasn't really that strange since she was wearing a little dress and it was quickly getting colder outside.

Louis furrowed his brows and he sorta wanted to ask her why she'd be a horrible human being but then she just stood up and sighed deeply.   
"I have to leave now, Louis, but it was nice talking to you," Gemma murmured and brushed away some hair from her face as she held the jacket out towards Louis who was just sitting there trying to process what just happened. His drunken mind was really slow and it took a while before he shot up and shook his head so quick it might just fly off. 

"No, no, I'm fine. Take my jacket, you are cold and I live nearby so I don't need it," Louis said quickly and to his surprise Gemma didn't even argue. She simply took it back on and grinned at him before she leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

Normally Louis would've tried to get a kiss on the mouth but it didn't feel right. 

 "Goodbye, Louis, I'll make sure to give you your jacket back if we ever meet again," Gemma laughed as she started to walk backwards from the park bench, waving at Louis with a hand that was almost covered by the sleeve of the jean jacket. 

So Louis went home alone that night and he did have a sad, lonely wank in the shower before he fell into bed and passed out. He knew that Zayn, Niall and Liam had called and texted several times but he just couldn't bother to answer any of their drunken texts. It could all wait until tomorrow when he was a bit more sober and the world wasn't spinning like he'd been on a carrousel for an hour. 

Everything could wait. Unlike the people at the damned hospital Louis had all the fucking time in the world. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took such a long time to finish this chapter. I've just been busy and lazy and yeah life happens. Also, I've gotten a few questions about wether this will contain smut in later chapters and I'm happy to tell you that it will eventually contain some smut.

It was time for lunch at the hospital and as always Louis was walking from room to room with the patients lunches. Todays lunch was roast beef with potatoes, salad and a pudding for dessert.

Louis' stomach grumbled once again and he blushed furiously and hurried out of the room where he'd just given a lady her lunch. Yeah, he hadn't eaten lunch himself yet and he hadn't even eaten breakfast this morning because he stayed over at his mums house. The twins had thrown a tantrum in the morning and it was up to Louis to calm them down since his mother had a headache or whatever. 

He knew that she was tired and everything because of the pregnancy and he'd spent a lot more time at the house than he used to just so he could help her with everything that needed to be done and take care of his sister so she'd be able to rest. He was sorta torn about the pregnancy to be honest. A part of him was excited to have two more little siblings and secretly hoped for them to be boys. But another part of him felt kinda sad about all of it because his mother already had five children. Well, he didn't really live at home anymore but still. Sometimes it felt like she had no time for his sisters and with two more kids to tend to he was kind of afraid that his little sisters would be forgotten.  The blue eyed boy continued down the corridor towards the last room he'd have to visit before he could take a break and get some lunch from the cafeteria. To be honest, this was almost worse than delivering the letters and flowers because even though he always said no some of the patients didn't understand that there was nothing else he could offer them to eat. Some of them even asked Louis if the food was organic and where it came from and Louis just couldn't answer so he always had to stand there and listen to their grumpy muttering about disrespectful teenagers and that everything was better before. 

Too bad Louis wasn't a teenager anymore, he was now twenty-one years old, grown up and mature. Well, some people would beg to differ about the mature part but he was a grown up and he had to start taking responsibility as his mother always told him. The thing was that Louis didn't want to be responsible and all grown up like his mother wanted him to be. Louis wanted to be reckless, wanted to have fun and just be young. Louis did suffer from the Peter Pan syndrome and he was only in his early twenties. It sorta felt like his life was over when he stopped being a teenager and even though he'd never tell someone he actually looked for grey hair the morning he turned twenty because he'd sorta expected to wake up with a big beard and snow white hair. 

Louis hummed quietly to himself as he walked through the corridor, one earphone in his ear while the other one was hanging down. He knew that they weren't supposed to listen to music during work hours but he just couldn't help himself. The job was boring enough without the music and if he didn't have it then these white walls would probably make him go nuts. Did they try to make hospitals as boring as possible on purpose or was it just how every single hospital was built? Honestly, why didn't they put some colors on the walls to make the place a little happier? It was sad enough with all the sick patients so they could at least make the environment a little nicer. 

The last room he had to visit was way down the corridor, the furthest away from all the others, just nearby the doctors offices. The patients who stayed there were under observation and needed to be as close to the doctors as possible so they could help the patient as soon as something happened. The room was often empty because there weren't really that many new patients coming here. Most of the patients who came had been at the hospital before and were only home over a shorter time before they had to come back and continue their treatment. 

Louis pushed the door open with his shoulder and let out a low groan as he pulled the cart in behind himself. 

"Lunchtime," Louis hummed and brushed his caramel colored fringe out of his eyes. Yeah, his hair was getting pretty long and he should probably think about cutting it. The thing was that his mother kept nagging on him about it and that just made Louis more determinate to keep his hair the way he was as a protest or something like that. 

He was certainly incredibly mature wasn't he? 

"I was wondering when you'd take your time to come and visit me," Louis closed his eyes and chuckled softly. Of course it was him, out of every human being on the earth it just had to be him. Louis recognized his deep, slow voice and when he turned around to face the green eyed boy he was met by a wide smile. The boy looked a bit paler than Louis remembered and he had dark circles underneath his eyes but other than that he looked just like Louis remembered. 

"Don't compliment yourself, I would've sent one of the others if I'd known that you were here," Louis teased and grinned at the boy. That wasn't true at all. Louis liked the boy already, well, he'd bought him coffee so he kind of had to like him. Well, the guy was also quite funny and charming and that was more than you could say about most of the other people here. 

He knew that being sick had to be a real fucking hell but bang grumpy and rude only had to make their life even grayer, right?

"Sorry you had to wait for a while, the lady a few rooms away will be the death of me I fucking swear," Louis said as he walked over with the tray of food that included a juice box, his lunch and a pudding for dessert. God, Louis' stomach was growling and he wanted nothing more than to eat it all on his own. 

The green eyed boy chuckled softly and tilted his head a little to the side as he watched Louis place the tray on the small table next to the hospital bed. He was still wearing a beanie that was pulled down over his ears, hiding all of his hair from view. Well, if he now had any hair. They were at the cancer ward so the guy probably only had a little, thin hair or nothing at all. Sure, it was really fucking sad that it had to be like that but there was nothing they could do about it since they needed the medication. 

"What the hell are you looking at?" Louis asked with a laugh and raised a brow at the taller male as he just kept on staring at him, almost like he was entertaining to look at. Well, he probably was the most entertaining here since the hospital was dead fucking boring and the guy was stuck inside this room for now. 

"Did you know that you're really short?" The male asked with a wide grin and then started to laugh as he saw the grumpy look on Louis' face. Though, Louis was only playing it up because there was no chance in hell that he could get angry at this guy. 

"Hey! Fuck you, I'll let you know that I'm average height so just piss off with your unnaturally tall height," Louis said with a roll of his eyes and a small little smile. Sure, Louis wasn't supposed to curse at the hospital and especially not at the patients but who cared? It wasn't like this guy would tell the doctors about it and have Louis fired. Seriously, that wouldn't even be a big loss since the job here was a real nightmare. He had to get up early and then walk around the entire day and cut his fingers on paper. If this was what working was like then Louis would much rather just focus on making music and stay on his couch all day long. But that wouldn't pay the bills so he had no choice but to get up from the bed in the morning and take the bus to work.

The green eyed male laughed loudly and shook his head at Louis, reaching up to pick up his juice box so he could take a sip of the orange juice and this action only made him look even more childlike than before and also made Louis question wether this guy was even older than sixteen. He just looked so childish with his too big smile, dimples and those huge doe eyes. Fuck, Louis really needed to stop staring. The potted plant on the windowsill was more interesting anyway, extremely fucking interesting to be honest. 

"You're probably average height for a girl, Louis," Louis snorted and looked back at the guy with a raised eyebrow. Yeah, Louis was probably average height for a girl but he’d never ever admit it. 

"Did you know that you're really fucking annoying?" Louis asked with a small smile and rolled his eyes at the boy who only laughed and shrugged his broad shoulders. It was nice to meet someone who wasn't as uptight as the rest of the people on the hospital. Sure, the kids were great but he rarely got to meet them since he always had stuff to do and there was always someone there whenever he had time to go there. 

Louis was probably allowed to go in there so he didn't have to sneak around but he didn't want to risk it. What if they didn't want him near the kids and prohibited him from going back in there if they saw him in there messing around with the kids? Louis just couldn't risk that. 

"I know, that's actually why my mum and dad decided to send me here. I'm way too annoying at home and I serve as some kind of test animal for medication that'll make people less annoying in the future," The guy smiled like he'd just cracked the most clever joke in the universe and Louis couldn't do anything but chuckle in pity because it had to be the lamest thing he'd ever heard. 

"Well, good luck with that, mate, I should probably leave you alone with your lunch," Louis hummed and turned around to leave the room. Christ, where did they even find people like that? This guy had the most ridicules laugh Louis had ever heard and on top of that his humor was dry as a plaster wall. Though, it was nice to see that at least he hadn't turned into one of the so called zombies who lived here and therefor had gotten all the joy sucked out of them. 

"No wait, I don't want to eat all alone. Please," Louis turned around with furrowed brows and looked back at the boy with a confused expression. The boy's cheeks were bright red by now and he was fumbling nervously with his duvet, looking like he was thinking about pulling it up over his head or something like that. 

"I just- I don't really like to be alone and you're really funny. But of course I understand if you have work to do and all of that," 

Louis did have a lot of work to do. He was supposed to fold all of the newly washed towels and sort letters he'd hand out tomorrow. But what the hell? Louis wasn't going to back up on a chance to just sit down and take it easy for a moment. 

"It's okay, I don't have anything to do at all," Louis said quietly as he walked back to the bed and sat down next to the boy with a small smile on his face. Yeah, the towels could probably wait and it wasn't like the entire hospital would go under just because he stayed here for a little while, right? Also it was important to keep the patients happy and Louis was really just doing his job now wasn't he? Louis always had to justify everything he did to really convince himself that he'd done the right choice. He'd gotten a lot of training at school when he got in trouble with the principal almost once a week and always had to have an explanation for everything he did. 

The boy grabbed his fork and poked around with it before he once again looked up at the blue eyed male.   
"How come you're working here? I mean, from what I've noticed you're not really the type of person you'd expect to be working at a hospital," Louis laughed and shrugged his shoulders at the boy who chewed slowly, eyes never leaving Louis' face. Louis should feel a little uncomfortable by it, being watched like that by a stranger. Well, close to stranger.

"Well, I need money to pay the rent and food isn't exactly free so my mother got me this job since she's a nurse here," Louis said and reached out to snatch the apple from the tray and take a big bite out of it before the boy was able to protest. Hey, Louis was hungry and there was enough food to make the guy full without the apple. But he didn't have to worry, the green eyed boy just laughed and shook his head before he took a sip of his juice. 

"So your mum works here as well? Is there any chance that I've met her?" Louis shook his head and took another bite of the apple, chewing slowly and swallowing before he opened his mouth once again. 

"She's home at the moment since she's pregnant and due any day now," Louis hummed and furrowed his brows for a moment, once again looking over at the dusty old plant on the windowsill. 

"Hey, what's your name? You know my name and it's just not fair that I don't know yours. I mean, at least I should be allowed to know your first name, right?" Louis said and turned towards the boy with a crooked smile. Louis was tired of thinking about him as 'the boy' or 'the green eyed one'. It was just fair that Louis should get to know his name after he choose to stay behind and keep him company even though he had a lot of things to do. 

"My name is Harry," he hummed softly and offered Louis a warm smile. Louis could see that he was tired, the dark rings under his eyes were really standing out against the rest of his pale skin but it all changed when he smiled and his eyes crinkled up at the corners and the dimples dug into his cheeks. Louis felt like he needed to make Harry smile more, like it was his job to make those deep dimples appear on those pale cheeks. 

"Okay, Harry, so why are you here right now? I mean, don't get me wrong, it's lovely to speak to you and such but you have to have a reason to be here that's not too pleasant," Louis didn't really know if it was an inappropriate question or not because there were patients who didn't mind talking about their diseases and all the, well, the many unpleasant side effects to their medication or whatever. 

The small smile disappeared from Harry's face as soon as Louis uttered his words and he just felt like slapping himself. He didn't mean to make Harry uncomfortable the first fucking thing he did but still it was just what he'd succeeded with. Louis was a piece of shit who shouldn't be allowed to go near people since he just made an ass of himself. 

"Uhm, I just had some complications with my chemo medicine so they decided to keep me over the night for observation," Harry mumbled and Louis couldn't help but stare at Harry's pale spindly fingers as he reached up to adjust his beanie, pulling it further down over his ears like he was afraid that he was showing too much. 

Louis understood now and he really felt like an idiot for not guessing it sooner. Harry wasn't wearing his beanie because he thought that it was cold inside the hospital or anything like that. He was wearing it because he had little to no hair on his head and was probably self conscious about it. Louis pretty much just kicked Harry where it hurt the most and it didn't matter that he hadn't been aware of it, he shouldn't have asked such a stupid question. 

Louis sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair with a grimace. Of course he'd fuck up and mention something that made Harry uncomfortable just a few seconds after he got to know his name. Louis was really just the smoothest person around and he should really just work with people all the fucking time because nothing ever went wrong now did it? Louis was about to just beg Harry for forgiveness and throw himself by Harry's feet or whatever to beg for understanding with an explanation of his stupidness. Zayn made him smell glue when he was six years old and after that day Louis just hadn't been the same. 

But to his surprise Harry just chuckled and went back to eating his lunch like nothing had ever happened. 

"What kind of music do you like, Louis? You were wearing a Kodaline shirt last time I saw you in the cafeteria so I figured it can't be too bad," It took a moment before Louis realized that Harry was giving him an out. It was a random but safe thing to start talking about and Harry was giving him this opportunity to just forget what had happened and move on. Louis could really just kiss him or something. Well, not literarily, that would be fucking weird if anything. 

"Yeah, I do like Kodaline a lot but I guess my music taste is a mix of everything really. I listen to whatever makes me happy and I do have a band myself but we don't really know what to call the music we're playing. To be honest we don't really play that much at all, we mostly just sit around and complain that we're not doing anything productive," Louis laughed and glanced over at Harry once again. 

 

* * *

 

A few hours later Louis was laying on his couch, a beer in his hand and some stupid show playing on the tv that he didn't pay any attention to at all. Last time he checked it was 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' but Louis was pretty sure that it had changed since then. He'd been staring at his phone for what felt like hours, just glaring at the new number added to his contacts. It said Harry with a bunch of stupid emojis behind it and just to be clear it wasn't Louis who had written it because Louis would never use that many stupid emojis unironically. 

He and Harry did have quite a lot in common and maybe just maybe Louis promised him that he'd bring him to watch his band play sometime. Also, Louis didn't finish any of the things he had to do and blamed that on the fact that the towels took a long time to get dry and he simply just couldn't fold them while they were wet. Louis really had to stop trying to explain and justify every decision he made because in some situations it just made the whole thing a lot worse. Like in this situation, Louis would have to scrub the staff bathroom tomorrow just because he didn't know when to shut his mouth. 

Louis shifted on the couch and chewed on the inside of his cheek as he started to type a message that would be both funny, sophisticated and a conversation starter. 

'Hiii, it's louis, just wanted to make sure it was your number xx hah.'

Well, it could've been worse. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry once again for the long wait but I do have a lot in school and such so you just have to bear with me.

Louis didn't smoke often but he did grant himself a cigarette when he was nervous or tense. Well, quite often after work to be honest. Maybe every day after work if he had to be honest.   
It was just nice to be able to go out and take a smoke, lean against the wall for a few minutes while he relaxed if only for a moment. It did feel like a weight lifted off his shoulders for a moment while he smoked. 

Though, he always felt a little guilty after, here he was working at a hospital filled with people who would do anything to be healthy.   
But Louis still choose to go out and have a smoke despite the fact that he knew about the consequences. How could he not know about it?   
Smoking was something that shortened the lives of thousands of people every single day. It also happened to be the reason why many of the people in the hospital were sick.

But Louis was still sitting on Zayn's balcony with a cigarette between his lips and a can of lukewarm beer in his hand. Zayn was sitting right next to him holding a beer of his own, cigarette already abandoned on the ashtray. The boys were staring out over the city, almost transfixed by the beautiful sundown. They just sat there under silence, watching the sunlight reflected by the windows on the houses all around them. 

"Do you think that they're like up there somewhere? You know, the people," Zayn hummed, voice soft and quiet in the chilling air, breaking the silence that had laid around them like a warm blanket of comfortable silence. 

Louis furrowed his brows and turned to look at the dark haired male. Maybe Zayn had smoked too much of the spliff after all. But Zayn looked too clear to be talking shit, too collected. 

Zayn wasn't one to talk about things that you couldn't explain by any means. He wasn't afraid to state his opinions about Niall's "silly little fantasies" whenever he started babbling about silly things like destiny and fate. 

Yeah, the blonde male would never admit it but he was quite a romantic, always nagging on about how everyone had that one true love. According to him everyone had a soulmate, someone destined to be with them forever. 

"What do you mean, Zayn? Like, the dead people?" Louis asked, his question not more than a little whisper but the taller male was close enough to hear it anyway. 

"Yeah, the people who are dead. You work at a hospital, people die all the time and they have to end up somewhere, right? I mean, it can't just be over can it?" Zayn asked with raised eyebrows as he brought his beer up to his lips and took a sip of the bitter brewage. 

Zayn always bought that cheap stuff, that kind of beer you started out with in your parents basement when you were about fifteen. Sure, it was cheaper alternative and you did get drunk anyway so it shouldn't matter. But Louis preferred to get drunk and keep his tastebuds undamaged by the disgusting taste of this particular brand. 

Louis grimaced and shook his head at Zayn's silly thoughts. Dead people were dead, it was as simple as that and nothing happened after you'd died. You ceased to exist, disappeared and never came back ever again. There was no such thing as a heaven or angels or whatever Zayn was thinking about. 

"The people who are dead are gone, Zayn, they're nowhere at all. Why are you even thinking about this? You've always been the most skeptical out of us," Louis said with a raised brow and offered Zayn a little smile. Zayn was out of it, there was no other explanation. Though, Louis' fingers still found their way to his necklace. It was a simple silver necklace with a swallow pendant he usually kept underneath his shirt at all times. 

When Louis was a kid, a naive little child, Louis somehow convinced himself that birds were angels. Louis believed that they were people who had passed away who still wanted to keep an eye on their family they left behind. So when his grandmother passed away he'd believed that every single bird he saw was her. He thought that she'd come back to check up on him and see if he was doing okay. 

But that was a long time ago. Louis knew better now than to believe in childish things like that. Though, he still wore the necklace all the time, telling himself that it was only because it was a pretty necklace. 

Louis sighed and looked down at the playground between the apartment houses were kids still were playing. They built up worlds inside their heads, came up with new exciting games to play every single day. 

A bit further away a girl was standing with a boys hands in her own, hugging them ever so tight as they exchanged words of love. Her hair was long, falling down her back, the tips a dark blue color that matched with the color of the darkening sky. The boy's hair was dark brown and fell down over his eyes as he leaned down to kiss her on the lips. 

It was almost painful how disgusting and loving it was and Louis sorta wanted to tell them to stop being a couple because it wasn't fair. Louis was bitter to the extreme and when the boy reached up to brush away some hair from the girls face he just cringed and shook his head. Then the girl leaned up, whispered something into the boy's ear that made him beam and kiss her once again. God, Louis had to look away because it was all too much for him.

The blue eyed male had never been good with jealousy because he couldn't hide it so well and he got jealous so damn often. It was just so easy for him, whenever someone had something he hadn't Louis just had to have it as well. 

A deep sigh made Louis flinch and turn towards Zayn once again. The brown eyed male was sitting there with a new cigarette between his lips, brows furrowed in thought as he toyed with the lighter. 

"I think Niall's crap is starting to affect me, especially that about finding a soulmate. Like, how would you know if you find them?" Zayn asked as he sat up straighter in his chair, looking at Louis like the blue eyed male had all the answers he was searching for. 

Well, Louis didn't know better than Zayn but he was pretty sure that there was no such thing as a soulmate, someone it was already decided you had to be with. Louis didn't want to believe in crap like that because even if it was true he'd most likely never even meet his soulmate anyway. They could be anywhere in the world and it wasn't like you could travel around everywhere until he found them.

Louis shook his head and reached out to grab the pack of cigarettes from the unstable little table next to the balcony door. He'd already smoked two but if they were going to sit here for much longer he needed something to occupy himself with. 

"I don't know, Zayn. I guess if soulmates do exist you'll just know when you meet him or her," Louis murmured, voice tired as he took a drag of his new cigarette. He could still hear the kids playing around, laughing and shouting as they ran around chasing each other. 

It felt like an eternity since he and Zayn used to run around like that but at the same time it felt so familiar. He could remember exactly what they used to play and all the arguments they'd gotten into whenever they couldn't get along. 

Most of Louis' memories were happy, joyful and pleasant. But there were also a few things he wanted to forget about, like when his dad walked out on them. He could still remember how he'd been crying, clinging to his fathers leg. His dad had just ruffled his hair, Louis could remember that he even smiled as he told Louis that it was his job to take care of mum now. 

 

Fuck, Louis would have to stand the taste of the beer because he had to get drunk right now. 

* * *

 

Louis had woken up on Zayn's couch, memories from the evening before dim and blurry around the edges. They'd gotten proper drunk and Louis did think he cried at some point during the night. It was the main problem with Louis and alcohol, when he got drunk enough he became a bit too personal and often burst into tears. It could be anything, a sad memory or some movie he'd seen. 

Niall still wouldn't let him forget about the time he'd cried about 'Up' for about two hours before he finally fell asleep underneath the living room table. 

But if he cried at least Zayn didn't say anything about it. He'd been there to pick up after Louis way too many times. He'd been there for all the breakdowns, all the useless relationships and all the setbacks. 

The rest of the weekend disappeared within the blink of an eye as Louis decided to be a bit productive on the sunday. He washed his clothes, cleaned his apartment and took a long well needed shower. 

* * *

 

Then monday came and it was time for work once again and Louis had to get up early in the morning to get the bus. To be honest Louis didn't think that getting up so early was necessary, if he just got a later shift he wouldn't be complaining at all. But Louis was the new guy so he got all the shittiest jobs and shifts they had. He was the one who had to do all the boring things, fold towels and sort letters while the others went on walks with the patients or play with the kids. 

Though, there was one thing that was good about his job and kept him from begging to switch with someone else. It was Harry. Yeah, Louis had only known him for a few days but during these few days they'd talked quite a lot and Louis always managed to make Harry smile. 

He felt like he'd succeeded with something important whenever he made the younger boy laugh. Yeah, Harry was a few years younger than Louis, three to be exact. Harry was only eighteen years old and for most of his eighteen years he'd been sick and in hospital. Louis supposed that Harry must hate the hospital by now, he knew that he did at least and he'd only been there for a short time. 

Harry was still under observation and Louis saw it as his task to cheer the boy up. A task he enjoyed quite a lot if he had to be honest. 

So that's why Louis burst inside Harry's room as soon as his shift was over, dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie. His face was scruffy since he hadn't bothered to shave for quite a few days. 

Louis still wasn't over the way Harry's eyes lit up whenever he came through the door and he couldn't really grasp the fact that Harry looked so happy because of him. 

Maybe just maybe Louis needed to come and see Harry as much as Harry needed Louis to come there and see him. 

"Hi, Louis," Harry's slow voice made Louis' lips quirk up in a small smile as he walked inside the room and closed the door behind himself. His eyes trained on the soft looking boy in the bed. Harry's smile was a little sleepy, it almost looked like he'd just woken up but he did look a lot better since last time Louis visited. 

"Hello there, Harry, figured I should pay you a visit since I finished early today," Louis said with a soft chuckle as he sat down on Harry's bed. 

Harry was smiling so big that his stupid dimples were showing and Louis sorta wanted to reach out and poke one of them, just to know how it felt. But Louis was here to make Harry feel better and not to creep him out. 

"Did you have an early shift today, Lou?" Harry asked, voice soft and tired just like it always was. Well, Louis hadn't met him too many times but he'd like to think that he knew Harry way better than he did. 

"Yeah, got the shittiest one so I had to wake up so fucking early like- you don't even understand," Louis complained a lot about work. To be honest it was the first thing he said whenever he met his friends. They were all getting tired of his constant nagging about sore feet and headaches from the florescent lights. 

Harry just chuckled at his misery and reached out to tug at his hoodie strings, only laughing even more as Louis whined and slapped his hands away.   
"You complain too much, Louis. I think you're quite lucky to be honest since you get to spend time with someone like me," Harry said with a cheeky grin and a raised eyebrow. 

Louis just shook his head and laughed, rolling his eyes for added effect and he really did want to tease the younger boy. 

"Trust me, Harry, I'd much rather be at home drinking beer than being here with you so just shut up," this time Louis did reach out to poke Harry's cheek right where his dimple was. But he felt like he was sort of privileged to do it now and it wasn't like Harry minded it.   
Long, delicate fingers wrapped around his wrist and pressed his hand down against the fluffy duvet. 

"Yeah, right, Louis. If you'd rather be home and drink beer then how come you're here with me anyway?" Harry asked and he was still holding Louis' wrist in a strong grip, fingers pressing into the soft flesh. 

Louis tried not to read into it too much, after all Harry just grabbed his wrist because he was poking his cheek, nothing else. But why did he keep on holding it? Why didn't he let go? Louis was asking too many questions but he was too quiet at the same time. Wasn't he supposed to say something now? What the fuck did Harry even ask him now again? 

Louis' brows were knitted together in thought as he tried to remember what Harry had said before he spaced out. The green eyed boy was just watching him with an amused expression, head a bit tilted to the side as he watched Louis struggle.   
"Uhm, what?" Louis asked, a faint blush spreading over his cheeks as Harry started laughing once again. Harry's laugh was wonderful, low and slow just like his voice. 

"I was asking you why you still choose to come here if you'd much rather be at home instead?" Oh, right. Louis did have a reason why he came there except for the obvious reason which was that he just wanted to see Harry once again. 

"I brought a deck of cards because I figured that losing in cards could make you a bit happier," Louis said with a wide grin, finally back to his normal self once again. Well, almost. Harry was still holding his wrist in a tight grip and Louis started to question wether Harry had forgotten about it or just feared that Louis would poke him again. 

"What makes you think that I'll lose to you? I'm quite good to be honest so you'll just might be the one who loses," Harry said with a smirk, finally letting go of Louis' wrist so he could reach for his water bottle. 

Louis rolled his eyes again and reached down to open his backpack. Like Harry would ever beat him in cards. Louis always won whenever he played against Liam, Zayn and Niall. The only one who could beat him was Stan but that was only because he always cheated. 

Louis cursed and scrubbed a hand over his face with a loud groan as he discovered that he'd forgotten his cards in his locker. Apparently the universe really hated Louis a lot because these sort of things always happened to him whenever he needed everything to run smoothly. The blue eyed boy thought about telling Harry that they couldn't play because he was way too lazy to get the cards. But Harry looked so excited and, fuck, Louis needed to develop some self control. 

"I'll just go back to my locker and get them, yeah? I'll be back in a minute," Louis muttered as he stood up from the bed and grabbed the hem of his hoodie, pulling it off and throwing it on the bed next to Harry. He was wearing a tank top underneath anyway so it didn't matter if he took it off. Besides, he got a chance to show off his tattoos and that was something he gladly did. Louis had gotten his first tattoo when he was about seventeen. Zayn's cousin was a tattoo artist and they'd been so fucking wasted that getting a tattoo had seemed like a great idea. 

It wasn't until later when his mother yelled at him for the stickman riding a skateboard that Louis sort of regretted getting it. 

Harry was staring at him with wide eyes, a soft little blush covering his otherwise pale cheeks. But of course Louis was too busy grumbling about the cards to notice the way Harry was biting his lip and fumbling with the duvet. 

The walk back to the staffroom was about five minutes since Louis took the stairs to dodge a few of the nurses who was standing by the elevators. They'd probably love to comment about Louis' tattoos and wrinkle their noses at him because tattoos weren't appropriate at a hospital or whatever. Louis had heard it all before and it made no fucking sense to him. Why would they be angry because of tattoos that were on his body? It wasn't like Louis ran up to them and asked them to look at them while he explained every single one of them. 

Louis swore he was gone for about ten minutes, at least it couldn't have been more. When he reentered Harry's room with the cards in his hands Harry looked pretty different from when he left. 

Harry's face was flushed and his eyes were wide and glossy. He was also sporting a dopey smile and the whole thing just made Louis snort and shake his head at the younger boy. If he didn't know better he'd say that Harry just had a pretty good wank but that was impossible, right? Harry wouldn't do that in a hospital where someone could walk in any second and catch him. He couldn't be that fucking stupid now could he? 

Louis choose not to comment on it and just sat down next to Harry with the cards in a tight grip.   
"You do know how to play, right?" Louis hummed and looked up at Harry as he started to hand out the cards, earning a big smile and a nod from the green eyed male. 

"Of course I know how to play, Louis, I'm not dumb you know," Harry said with a smile as he looked down at his cards. God, he was fucking shameless about it too. Well, if he did wank he was shameless about it. Maybe Louis was just imagining it all, he did have a tendency to spin away. 

Luckily they soon started playing and Louis had to focus on the game because Harry was really good at it. A bit too good if you asked Louis and with each passing minute he just got huffier and soon started accuse Harry of cheating. 

They sat there on Harry's bed playing cards for a long time. Harry was winning over and over again and had an excited blush on his cheeks that kept Louis from getting grumpy over the fact that he was losing. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One month after my last chapter holy shit. I am so sorry about this and I promise that I'll try and update more frequently as my summer vacation starts. There's just been a lot with school but it's soon done so I'll have more time...between working.

The first time Harry met Louis Tomlinson wasn't the first time Harry saw Louis Tomlinson.

It was before the doctors had told him that his cancer was once again getting worse so everything had been fine. He hadn't needed his beanie and he still had his characteristic curls. His mother was still happy and there were plans for Harry to move out as soon as he found a suitable apartment.

Everything seemed to perfect and Harry thought that maybe just maybe deserved to be happy for once. It was like someone had paused his life when they discovered that he had cancer and it hadn't started for real until he was 'recovered'. Sure, they sent him home when he was twelve years old but he wasn't able to actually start living his life for real until about a year after that.

The recovering process had been so slow as fuck and Harry had felt like utter crap because his mother had to stay with him and take care of him. She gave up everything for him, her career, her marriage and her own life. Anne's life revolved around Harry, keeping Harry alive, keeping Harry safe.

Harry hated the fact that he'd taken her life away from her and he couldn't wait to give it back to her, make up for everything. He'd made her feel so much worry and he knew that she didn't relax until he was about fourteen, two whole years after the doctors sent him home.

The green eyed boy had thought that this was it, that his mother would finally be able to have her own life while he could start living his own.

Harry had a good life for about four years. Everything was fine until a short time after he'd turned eighteen years old.   
The fact that he hadn’t even noticed that something was wrong was probably the worst thing about it all. It was just a normal checkup, nothing new. Harry had been to tons of them and they never found something worrying about his condition so Harry wasn't concerned at all.

But of course fate had to fuck everything up for Harry just when things were starting to look bright for him. It was just so typical and there was no surprise that Harry freaked out when he got the news.

Harry would like to forget about it but it was sort of etched into his mind and he remembered it just as clearly as if it had happened yesterday.   
He'd just started shaking when he got the news and he was lucky that he'd been alone at home when they called. It was for the best, he didn't want to be a burden, be someone they had to take care of.   
The phone had just slipped out of his clammy hands and he could hear the nurse calling his name over and over again.

"Harry? Harry, did you leave the phone? Are you alright, Harry?"

How could she even ask such a stupid question? 'Are you alright, Harry?'   
Yeah, of course he was alright. He was going to die and there was nothing no one could do to stop it. He would break his mothers heart for the second time and this time he wouldn't be there to fix it.

Harry had tried so fucking hard to stay alive, to be there for his mum when she needed him and now he'd just have to leave.   
He knew that there was nothing they could do about it as he heard the nurse's voice.

"We have bad news, Harry. Your cancer is back and it's getting worse at a rapid speed and you'll have to start treatment again as soon as possible,"

Yeah, Harry would go to the hospital and get medicine that would suck the remaining life out of him oh so slowly while his family watched.

Of course his mother got to know about it at work because Harry had worried them by ending the call all of a sudden.   
And of course Anne freaked out and drove home as soon as she hung up, probably breaking more speed limits than ever before.

Harry knew that he was being unfair when he freaked out and got a full blown panic attack. He didn't want to worry his mother and here he was, curled up next to the couch with his arms tightly around his knees.   
He tried to breathe, tried but failed to get enough oxygen and it felt like he was about to faint. There was a thick clump in his throat and it wouldn't go away no matter how much he swallowed.   
It felt like he was suffocating with warm tears rolling down his pale cheeks.

He was pathetic wasn't he? Harry should be there to comfort his mother but instead he was rocking back and forth on the floor.

Anne rushed inside the house and tried to comfort her son with soft words and gentle touches. But Harry only flinched and moved away from her as she tried to brush his curls away from his forehead, something she'd done ever since he was little.

Gemma was the next one to hear about the news and she reacted just like Harry had thought that she would. The girl hung up on Anne and wouldn't pick up the phone as she called again. She abandoned them but Harry didn't care. It just meant that there was one less person that he would hurt by dying.

Anne tried to make Harry feel better by pretending that she believed everything would be okay. Maybe she did it to calm Harry. Maybe she did it to convince herself that there was hope even though there wasn't.

So Anne was living in a state of denial while Harry was freaking out and Gemma couldn't be reached. Once again Harry had ruined everything just like he did when he was a kid and once again he had to start taking antidepressants and talk to his therapist. She said that he had to 'express his feelings' 'accept the bad news and make the best out of it'.   
How the hell did anything good come out of being terminally ill?   
Well, one good thing about it all was that Harry's antidepressants were colorful and shaped like dinosaurs.

* * *

Harry saw Louis exactly one month before he got the news and three months after his birthday. April.

You have to understand that Harry didn't go to parties often and when he did he didn't drink much because that could worsen his cancer. Now when he looked back he should've made the most out of it and gotten proper piss drunk while he could.   
Though, he was happy that he hadn't been more than tipsy when he saw Louis because then he wouldn't have remembered Louis' stunning smile or bright eyes. He wouldn't have remembered the confident smirk on Louis' lips as he stepped up on the improvised stage, hair pushed back with a headband. It should've looked ridicules how Louis was standing there piss drunk with a polkadot headband but Harry had been mesmerized.

The gleaming sweat on Louis' arms and forehead while he sang just added to Harry's transfixion. He hadn't even listened to the song itself, it just served as some kind of background sound to his busy mind.

Louis sang about alcohol, sex and getting high while Harry was just standing there clutching his beer in a sweaty hand.   
There were people dancing around him, bumping into him and spilling drinks all over the floor around him. But Harry only had eyes for the blue eyed boy on the stage.

Louis had tattoos littering his arms and Harry who never had been one for tattoos now wished nothing more but to be able to trace the ink on Louis’ arms with the tip of his tongue. He wanted to praise his fucking cock like it was the only god he’d ever need.

Harry wanted to go up to the blue eyed boy as he stepped away from the provisional stage, wanted to be brave and offer him a drink. Harry wanted to make him laugh just as loudly as the blonde boy who had his arm slung over his shoulders.

But Harry was a coward and had simply watched as the other members of the band pulled Louis away. They were all drunk and happy but no one was as drunk as Louis. His laugh was way too noisy and his face was red and sweaty.  
It shouldn't have made Harry want to go over and wrap his arms around the shorter boy and kiss him on the lips. But that was exactly what he wanted to do. He taste the beer he'd been drinking away all night and bury his hands in Louis' sweaty fringe.

Harry had tried to work up the courage to go over and talk to the blue eyed boy. He'd even closed his eyes and counted to ten just like his mother had told him to do when he was little. He'd counted to himself, hugging the beer can in his warm hand until he felt it crack.

His eyes had only been closed for ten short seconds but as Harry blinked them open the boy and his friends were gone.   
So Harry did whatever a person would do in a situation like that. Harry went home and tried to forget about the blue eyed boy with the soft voice and the happy smile.   
Well, he started to try and forget about him after he'd spent about ten minutes thinking about him a little extra.

* * *

As the time passed Harry did forget about the blue eyed boy. He just forgot about his smile and his stunning voice and loud laugh.   
There were just so many other things to do and as May came he didn't have any time for anything at all except for sleeping between his hospital visits.

May was pretty much a fucking hell because Gemma had abandoned them and he had to listen to his mum hushed sobs every single night before falling asleep.   
He hated himself for not going over to her room to comfort her but what could he do to make things better? Harry had no power to change anything, he didn't know how to cure cancer and he didn't like lying either.

Harry could find big chunks of hair on his pillow in the morning and had to start wearing beanies wherever he went.   
He'd been prepared for it all. After all he'd been through it before and if the hair loss and other side effect had been the only bad thing then he'd happily go through it.  
It wasn't so bad when you forgot about the fact that he might die and that he was hurting every single person he knew.   
To be honest it was incredibly easy because the only things he had to was to go to the hospital every week and munch on dinosaur pills.

When Harry was little he thought that fighting cancer meant that he had to prepare for a bloody battle. He'd watched enough cartoons to know what a battle was and he started to prepare himself to fight. He filled a book with drawings of himself holding a sword and fighting against a giant crab.

Needless to say he'd been quite disappointed when he discovered that fighting against cancer meant that he had to stay in bed. Harry felt tricked because he couldn't see how you could fight against something by doing nothing at all.

But at least his mother got him a plush sword that he could use to fight off the cancer and Harry did believe that it helped until he was about ten. He thought that if he kept the sword next to him as he slept then he'd eventually fight the cancer.   
Of course it didn't work but it did make him feel like some real fighting was going on.

It was June when Harry saw him again. He was coming to the hospital for another shot and had just been trudging through the corridor with his earphones in. He'd been so caught up in the music that he hadn't noticed the boy at first, hands shoved down in his pockets and beanie pulled down far.

Though, when Harry did notice Louis he had to stop and just stare at the shorter boy, mouth open in surprise.   
He recognized the caramel colored fringe and as he took out his earphones he also recognized the soft, melodic voice as the boy cursed under his breath.

This time Harry wouldn't miss out on his opportunity because he'd literally been given a second chance to go and talk to the boy.   
So Harry pulled in a deep breath and this time he didn't close his eyes and count to ten. What if he'd been gone once again once Harry opened his eyes?

He walked up to the boy, uncomfortably aware of his body movements. He'd lied straight to Louis' face. He'd told him that he didn't know where he was going and he needed help to find his room. Harry had been at the hospital hundreds of times and knew exactly where he was going.

That was the first time he talked to Louis and at the time he thought it would be the last one as well. He got lucky once and that was it. The universe allowed him to meet the boy one more time just because they felt a little sorry for him since all his apple tasting dinosaur pills were gone.

Of course Harry was surprised when Louis kept on showing up, not only at the cafeteria but he started to visit Harry just because he felt like it.

Sure, Louis said that it was because he didn't have anything better to do and because Harry's laugh was funny. But Harry did suspect that there had to be something more to it. Louis laughed at his stupid jokes and made Harry laugh so it was just right that Louis should get to eat his desserts. Harry was willing to give up all of his desserts just to have Louis laying at the foot end of his bed while complaining that his feet hurt.

Even when Harry went home from the hospital he still kept on texting Harry pictures of cats and bananas because Harry liked them. It surprised him how many pictures Louis could find with the two of them. Harry had received about ten pictures of cats eating bananas since he gave Louis his number and he always replied with some stupid emoji just to keep the conversation going.

* * *

Harry was just typing out a message to Louis as his mother walked into his room, clearing her throat to catch his attention.   
"Just a second mum," Harry hummed as he scrolled through the emoji library after the perfect one to send to Louis. He settled on the pig face and then put his phone down to look up at his mother.

Usually her facial expression would give away what she was about to say but this time Harry couldn't figure out if she was happy or sad. She looked indifferent, mouth a straight line and eyes as tired as ever as she walked over to sit down in the chair by his window. That chair had always been there since he was a kid. He called it the 'Night's watch's chair' as his mum used to sit in it almost every single night when he was a kid. She used to fall asleep there when Harry was especially ill, wanting to be close to Harry incase something happened to him during the night.

Anne pulled in a deep breath and smoothed out her shirt before she opened her mouth to speak.   
"Gemma called me. She said she wanted to meet you, Harry, as long as you want to of course," Anne said softly, watching Harry's face for any giveaway.

A quiet sigh fell from the green eyed boys lips as he pulled his legs closer to his chest, resting his chin on his knees as he thought about it. He hadn't seen Gemma in a long time and he did miss his older sister a lot. But she'd walked out on them and who was he to pull her back in? It was better that she was gone because then there would be one less person to worry about.   
Though Harry could see how much his mother wanted him to meet Gemma again, how much she wanted her daughter back in her life because soon they would only have each other.

"Of course I'll meet with her, she's my sister," Harry hummed and he could see how Anne sighed with relieve and for the first time since they got the news she actually smiled.   
Sure, it wasn't one of those bright smiles Harry used to see all the time before but at least she was smiling again.

"Come on, let's make some dinner, yeah?" Harry got up from the bed and offered her a small smile, as he held his hand out for her to take.   
It seemed like if she hesitated for a moment, almost as if she was afraid that it would be too much for him to pull her up.

"Please, mum," Harry mumbled, grabbing her soft hand and pulling her up from the chair. Sure, it did hurt in his chest and he got a bit dizzy but it was all wort it when he saw his mothers smile. Harry had learned how to hide his exhaustion and the pain a long time ago, just to spare his family the worry. The green eyed boy knew when the pain mattered and when it didn't, and this pain certainly didn't matter. Not when his mother was smiling and they were doing something together that they hadn't done in months.

Everything almost seemed like normal as they were laughing together over the countertops. Everything was organic and steamed since Harry was extremely susceptible to infection. Well, at least that's what his mother said and harry wouldn't fight her on it. If she thought that it helped then he'd let her if it gave her some kind of comfort.

They were remembering old stories that they hadn't talked about in forever, happy things to make them forget even if for just a moment.   
Of course they were all about the time before Harry was diagnosed or when he went into remission but they didn't comment on it.   
There were only so many happy stories about Harry's childhood and they did laugh a bit more than necessary as both of them wanted this to be something to add to the happy stories. Or at least to the happier memories.

During dinner the two of them almost forgot about Harry's cancer and if you would've watched them then you wouldn't have been able to guess Harry's condition.

As Harry put his plate away and thanked his mother for dinner he was pretty sure that he could see tears in her eyes. Then when he said that he loved her the tears welled over and she slung her arms around his neck for a moment while the sobs shock her tired body.   
Harry hated to see his mother cry and even though these tears were different than the ones she shed at night it still made his heart hurt.

That night Harry didn't hear his mother cry from her room and as pathetic as it might sound it made him cry. It was really pathetic how he was sobbing into his pillow, trying to muffle the sounds so his mother wouldn't hear him.   
God, Harry needed to get a fucking grip.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a long time but I've been working and I haven't had time to write at all. I hope you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me as this chapter is a bit longer than the others xx

Louis didn't really know what he'd been thinking about when he sent Harry the text.   
Yeah, they'd talked a lot about music and shit and he wanted an excuse to see the green eyed lad again as he just got to go home from the hospital. But why the hell would he ask him if he wanted to come and see them play at a bar downtown? 

Their music was shit, all curse words and rude statements about everything. Nothing that would impress Harry at all. Though, this wasn't the biggest reason for why Louis had chewed his nails down until it hurt too much to continue. 

Louis was scared shitless that his friends would make a crude comment and make Harry uncomfortable. After all they weren't known for their wonderful social skills.   
He was also nervous because he was pretty sure that Harry wouldn't like their music or his voice. Louis knew that he was being ridicules, that shouldn't care if Harry liked it or not because it shouldn't matter. 

But of course Louis was shaking as a frightened little rabbit where he was sitting by their usual booth at the back of the bar. He was clutching a cold beer in his sweaty hand, his second one for the night and they hadn't even started playing yet.   
Niall was his usual hyper self and was trying to reassure Louis that everything was going to be fine by counting up all the things that could go wrong tonight. 

"Well, you could forget the lyrics and mess up the entire song. Then maybe Liam or Zayn mess up when they're playing and ruin the entire thing," Niall hummed, pausing only to knock back a shot. The fucking idiot did it without even making a grimace. Bloody irishmen and their way to handle alcohol. 

"Then maybe that friend of yours thinks you're fucking shit and tells you to piss off at the end of the night as you try and make a move on him," Niall added with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders. Yeah, he wasn't really helping Louis to become less nervous. 

"I think that's enough tormenting, Louis for one night, Niall," Zayn chuckled as he wrapped his thin arm around Louis' shoulders. The alcohol made the otherwise moody Zayn loose and giggly, Niall even chattier and Liam, well, Liam just laughed nonstop. 

Niall just shrugged his shoulders at the two of them before he turned back to a tipsy Liam. He restarted the conversation they'd had like nothing happened and soon they were indulged in a deep conversation about what kind of drinks they preferred the most.

Louis knew what was coming next and even though he knew that he could talk about everything with Zayn he didn't want to speak about Harry.   
He barely knew Harry himself and yet he felt a need to protect the younger boy, keep him from getting hurt and all that. Louis assumed that it was because Harry was sick. He felt bad for Harry so he wanted him to smile and be happy. Yeah, that was it. 

Louis sighed and took another sip from his beer, grimacing as Zayn pulled him a little closer.   
"So, this Harry guy is sort of important, yeah?" Zayn hummed and raised a brow at the blue eyed male who just grimaced and shrugged his shoulders. 

"He's just a friend, Zayn, I just met him recently so it's nothing like that," Louis grunted, staring down into his glass just so he wouldn't have to meet Zayn's questioning gaze. 

"Where did you even meet this guy, Lou?" Yeah, Louis hadn't really told them about the fact that he'd met Harry at the hospital and that Harry was sick. But that was just a minor detail, right?   
It wasn't like they'd notice anything either because Harry didn't look sick, at least not to Louis. When you thought about someone who was ill you didn't think about dimples and big doe eyes wide with excitement. 

When you thought about someone who was sick you thought about someone in a hospital bed with needles in their arms.   
That was a part of the reason why Louis wouldn't tell them where he'd met Harry. He didn't want them to treat Harry like he was sick because Louis didn't want him to be. 

"I- at a coffee shop," it wasn't exactly a lie as Harry and him had their first actual conversation at the hospital's coffee shop but Louis still felt a bit guilty. He and Zayn usually told each other everything and seeing Zayn smile at him and nod with content just made Louis grimace and look away. 

"I'm happy you've met someone after that bartender you were with for a couple of months," Zayn hummed, nudging Louis' shoulder and chuckling as Louis just rolled his eyes. Louis knew that they just wanted him to be happy and were excited over the fact that he'd met someone even though it wasn't like that. They had convinced themselves that Louis had met a new potential boyfriend but Louis knew that it would never happen. Him and Harry would never get together because Louis wasn't what Harry needed. 

The boy was way too sweet and innocent with his big doe eyes and pale, fragile skin. Also, Louis was scared to get attached to the boy for the same reason as he wanted to make the boy smile and be happy. Harry was sick and even though he didn't want to think about it there was a chance that Harry wouldn't make it. 

"So where is prince charming, Louis? Is he bailing on you already? Usually it takes a while before they realize how annoying you really are," Niall laughed and raised his beer as to salute his own shitty joke.  
Louis just snorted and looked down at his watch with furrowed brows because Harry said he'd be there around ten and it was now ten fifteen. 

As always Louis' imagination got the best of him and he started to imagine horrifying scenarios where Harry was in an accident. Maybe he got hit by a car on his way across the road or maybe he was mugged and stabbed in a dark alley somewhere where he was bleeding away right now. 

But of course Louis tried to maintain his calm and collected attitude so he just shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his beer.   
"I don't know, he'll arrive sooner or later," Louis murmured as he glanced over at the door like he'd done about a hundred times the last thirty minutes. 

He was expecting to see a strangers walking in and out of the door, smiling and drunk with their arms wrapped around each other. He was expecting to get disappointed once again and then have to look back down at the table to hide his frown. 

But this time when he looked over at the door he saw a familiar gangly figure standing with his arms wrapped tight around his body. He looked around with a nervous expression like he was looking for someone and he had a simple, grey beanie resting on the top of his head.

Before the other three could ask Louis stood up from his seat and was on his way over to the lanky boy by the door. Louis wasn't sure how to greet Harry. A handshake was way too formal and a hug was too intimate as they'd just seen each other a handful of times. 

Louis stopped a few feet in front of the boy, brows furrowed and palms sweaty as he tried to figure it out. He thought about running back to the table where he could wait until Harry found them or maybe he'd just send him a text and ask if he was there yet.   
He was willing to do just anything to avoid the awkwardness of standing in front of Harry and not knowing what to do. 

Though Louis didn't have to think for too long because soon the green eyed boy turned around and spotted him where he was standing right next to the bar.   
Louis wouldn't admit it to anyone but his heart might've skipped a beat as Harry began to smile. It was one of those big, goofy smiles Louis had already grown so attached to. Harry was all dimples and eye crinkles as he made his way over to Louis, navigating his way through the crowd surprisingly gracefully for a teenager with zero body control. 

Louis who'd been freaking out about how to greet Harry was relieved as a pair of long arms were wrapped tight around his waist. He was engulfed in the smell of Harry, soap, something fruity and peppermint gum. 

Harry pulled away after a moment, cheeks tinted pink and a shy smile playing on his plump lips like he'd surprised himself with the hug. 

"Hi, sorry I'm late," Harry said as he reached up to adjust his beanie that had gone just a bit askew while they'd hugged. 

Louis just chuckled and shook his head as he reached out to wrap his arm around Harry's thin waist.   
"That's okay, mate, we haven't even started playing yet so you haven't missed anything at all," Louis laughed as he steered Harry back towards their table. 

The others were staring at them as they sat down, Niall with a suggestive smirk and a raised brow that just caused Louis to huff and grimace.   
"So this is the wondrous Harry, yeah? Louis has been disappointingly secretive about you," Niall said with a smirk and reached his hand out for Harry to shake. 

Louis could see Harry's cheeks heat up even in the dim light as he reached out to shake Niall's hand. It made something flip in his stomach and once again he had to look down to hide his face. Though, this time it was because he couldn't stop smiling. 

"Oh, I hope the things he's told you were nice," like Louis would have anything bad to say about him. Well, his laugh was a bit loud and he was an obnoxious winner but other than that this boy seemed disgustingly perfect. 

"Yeah, he told us that you have a good music taste and that's pretty much all it takes to get into Tommo's heart," Liam teased and grinned at Louis who just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't care about the teasing anymore because Harry was here, also he managed to kick Liam's knee under the table.   
The brown eyed boy whined and reached down to rub the sore spot on his knee where he would most likely have a bruise tomorrow while Louis just pretended like nothing had happened. 

"What can I say?" Louis chuckled with a shrug of his shoulders as he turned towards Harry.  
"Music is what I live for and if my friends like shitty, mainstream music then they have to go," Louis laughed as he reached for his beer. 

"Says the guy who's had a Lady Gaga poster on his wall since he moved into his new apartment," Zayn added with a devious smirk. Ouch. Okay, Louis was defeated but he would never admit to it. 

Louis downed the last of his beer with a grimace while his brain worked on an insult that would make Zayn shut up for the rest of the night.   
But of course Zayn was one of those people who never did anything embarrassing. 

"I'll let you know that the poster brings luck and protects me from evil things like your nasty comments, Zayn," Louis muttered as he gave Zayn the finger. Mature and intelligent. 

"Come on, Harry, we'll have to get you something to drink," the blue eyed male hummed and nodded towards the bar, beckoning the younger boy to follow. 

Harry stayed silent as they walked but Louis could feel Harry's long fingers grazing his elbow, almost as if Harry didn't want to lose him. 

"So, what do you wanna drink, Harold? You have to choose something proper because I don't want you to register if we mess up," Louis was smiling but he sure as hell wasn't joking. He didn't want Harry to know if they messed up, something he was sure that they would do since they'd had a bit too much to drink already. Also he was nervous as hell so he'd probably just screw up because he was the unluckiest person in the world. 

Louis glanced up at the taller boy who was scanning the sign behind the bar, trying to figure out what he wanted to order. Harry's teeth were digging into his plump bottom lip and maybe it was the alcohol that was speaking but Louis really wanted to dig his own teeth into Harry's lip. He wanted to tug at it, see if Harry would make a noise and then- fuck.   
Louis shook his head and reached up to brush the hair away from his sweaty forehead. He couldn't and he fucking wouldn't either. 

Harry turned towards him after a moment, smiling unsurely and he was fumbling with the sleeves of his shirt like he was nervous.   
”I'll have whatever you had, Louis, I can't decide," 

Harry’s sweet unsureness made Louis smile all fondly and he had to shake his head just to get the stupid expression off his face. He was just drunk, nothing else. Harry was a nice guy he’d met at the hospital and Louis was only reacting like this because he’d been drinking. 

”A beer then, excellent choice, curly,” Louis teased as he turned towards the bartender, pretending that his heart didn't skip a beat as Harry leaned in close to his ear. 

"You talk a lot for a guy who wears pink scrubs and has a poster of Lady Gaga," Louis could pretend that he didn't shudder as Harry's warm breath fanned over his ear just like he pretended that Harry's giggle after he finished whispering didn't make him smile like the fucking sun from Teletubbies. 

About fifteen minutes later Harry’s cheeks were deep pink and his eyes a bit glossier than before. He was quite obviously a lightweight and the beer had been enough to make him quite tipsy.   
He was also talking nonstop, much to Niall’s delight. The two of them were indulged in a very deep conversation about Froot Loops. They were discussing the possibility that they all tasted the same or if each color had it’s own distinct flavor. 

Though, Louis didn't focus on what Harry was saying. Instead he was watching his mouth, admiring how it opened and closed as he spoke. He watched how Harry's tongue darted out to wet his lips, how the corners of his mouth curled up in a shy smile and how that made the dimples dig into his cheeks. He admired the cherry pink shade of Harry's lips and once again he just wanted to lean over and see if they tasted just as sweetly.   
God, Louis was fucked. 

The blue eyed male flinched as Zayn's hand clamped down on his shoulder, effectively waking him up from his trance.   
"It's time for us to go up now, Lou," right. Louis had almost forgotten about that since Harry came there.   
They were there to sing and he'd invited Harry over so that he could listen to them. That was the whole reason for why they were there. 

"Oh, right," Louis hummed, standing up before he turned to look at Harry once again.   
"Hey, Harry, it's time for us to play so you should move closer to the stage," Louis cleared his throat and offered Harry a sheepish smile.   
"That's if you want to of course, like, you don't have to or anything," Louis should've stopped talking a long time ago. He just embarrassed himself more and more with each word and Harry was most likely laughing at him inside his head right now. 

"Of course, I want to see you when you play," Harry laughed and rose from his seat, a ridicules smile playing on his lips as he walked over to Louis.   
Just like that Louis found himself wrapped in Harry's arms for the second time that night but this time the breath tickling his neck smelled like alcohol and not peppermint. Not that Louis would complain. Like he'd ever complain about getting a hug from a fit boy. 

Louis didn't know what to do because a part of him (the drunken and lonely part) wanted to throw it's arms around Harry's neck and hug him for the longest time. But the part of his brain that worked knew that this would ruin their friendship before it had even started for real.   
So Louis settled for patting Harry's back, maybe it was a bit stiff but at least he didn't screw anything up. 

"Alright, but please don't laugh if we mess up, we've been drinking a bit too much," Louis laughed as he pulled away from the taller boy. 

Turns out that Louis was the drunkest one in the band because the others knew exactly where their stuff was while Louis had to run around in search for his mic.   
As if that wasn't enough he tripped over his own feet and almost managed to fall over.   
So there he was, microphone clutched in his shaky hand and forehead clammy with nervous sweat. 

Louis pulled in a deep breath and cleared his throat before he moved the microphone up to his lips.   
"Uhm, I'm sure some of you have seen us before but for the people who haven't yet had the pleasure," Louis paused to look down at Harry who was sitting and sipping on a new bottle of beer.  
"We're Ruthless Beloved," it was like all the ridicules nervousness left him as he saw Harry's encouraging little smile and when Louis looked up again it was with his trademark smirk. 

"So we'd like to sing you some songs and feel free to sing along if you know the words. If you don't then feel free to shut the fuck up," the people in the bar laughed and Louis felt like he was buzzing. He loved attention as long as he wasn't embarrassing himself and making people laugh was always a good sign. 

"I think many of you recognize the first song we're going to play. The song is called Iris and was originally preformed by the Goo Goo Dolls," Louis turned towards Liam who nodded at him from behind the drums and started to count them in. 

Louis tried to not look at Harry during the entire song but it was hard. His eyes just darted back to the younger boy each time he tried to look away. It didn't help that Harry was looking right at him the entire time, smiling like Louis had just given him the best gift he could ever imagine. 

With each song they sang Louis just felt higher and higher, like when he and Zayn smoked a spliff in his messy living room.  
His entire body was buzzing and he felt like he could do anything. This was why he loved singing and preforming in front of people. He was always nervous before each gig but he always left feeling like he was on top of the freaking world. 

When they finished playing they received loads of applauds from the people but Louis only had his eyes open for the pink cheeked boy in front of the tiny stage.   
Harry was beyond excited, hugging all of them and patting everyone on the back.   
Louis was sort of relieved and hurt at the same time when Harry did this because he'd felt special when he got a hug and now it wasn't special anymore. But he was also relieved because nothing should happen between them and if Harry just saw him as a friend then he wouldn't have to worry. 

But even if Louis told himself that nothing could happen between them over and over again he just couldn't help it when he offered to walk Harry home. He tried to tell himself that he was only being a responsible adult and that he just wanted to make sure that Harry made it home safe. Of course that wasn't a lie but it wasn't the only reason why he was so eager to take a long detour on his way home. 

Harry kept babbling about how good they'd been as they walked, making wild gestures with his arms and he almost hit Louis right in the face more than once. 

"I've always wanted to sing and write songs myself but I wasn't lucky enough to find any musical friends whom I could start a band with," Harry laughed and nudged Louis' shoulder. 

"Well, to be honest none of us could actually play anything particularly well when we started the band. Except for Niall of course, he teased us all with his guitar skills to the extent when we thought about kicking him from the band," Louis said with a chuckle, hands shoved down deep in the pockets of his hoodie as they walked.   
If they'd kicked Niall from the band then there would be no band. He was the one who kept their spirits up when they wanted to quit and give it all up. Yeah, they all had Niall to thank for the band. But of course Louis wouldn't ever admit it since this would make Niall too fucking pleased with himself. 

They stayed silent for a moment and Louis most certainly did not glance over at Harry every other second.   
Harry's beanie was pulled down over his ears and he had a dark jean jacket slung over his shoulder as the night was warm. Louis wanted to come up with a good conversation, something they could talk about without risking that Harry got uncomfortable. So far the only thing they'd talked about was music and even though it was nice Louis still felt like a stranger to the green eyed boy. 

"I'd love to hear you sing again, Louis. You have a great voice," Harry hummed after a moment and turned to meet Louis' gaze before the older male could look away. 

"I- uhm, thanks a lot, Harry," Louis mumbled and looked down at his feet, embarrassed that Harry had caught him staring. 

"I try to write my own songs as well but I just can't finish anyone because like in the middle of them I just realize how crappy they actually are," Louis laughed and kicked away an empty can, sending it rolling away across the street. 

To his surprise Harry suddenly laughed, making Louis stop and look up with him with a little frown. Though the frown disappeared as soon as he saw Harry's soft smile.   
"You need to brighten up a bit, Louis. I'm sure you'll find something to write about and you shouldn't give up so easily. Anyway, this is where I live so thanks for walking me home," 

They were standing in front of a white little house with what looked like a well managed garden just like the one at his mothers house. 

"Easy for you to say, Harold," Louis snorted with a roll of his eyes, but of course he failed to keep away the fond smile once again.   
"And don't worry about it, wouldn't want someone to come and kidnap you or something," Louis said with a shrug of his shoulders, trying to play it off like it wasn't a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal. 

He could see how Harry chewed on his bottom lip again and Louis was once again thinking about what he should do. They'd already hugged several times during the night so a hug wouldn't be too awkward, right? A handshake was out of the question by now so it had to be a hug. 

Louis was a fucking wuss because for the fourth time that night Harry wrapped his arms around him and gave him a tight hug, one that was longer than all the others. Of course Louis hugged back and he kept his chin resting on Harry's shoulder because he felt a dangerously strong want to kiss Harry. 

That's why Louis pulled away quicker than he'd actually wanted, smiling and fumbling a bit with the strings of his hoodie.   
"Bye then, Harry," Louis murmured, chewing at his bottom lip as he looked up into Harry's eyes. 

"I'll see you soon, Louis," Harry raised his hand to wave goodbye to him as he opened the gate and walked into the well managed garden. 

Louis was screwed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry that there's almost been two months since my last chapter. I know there's no excuse but I've been through a lot during this short period of time and I just haven't felt like writing or doing anything at all. I've felt incredibly guilty for putting this off for such a long time and I hope that you can forgive me.

Listening to Louis sing a few days ago had just made Harry even more addicted to the blue eyed boy, if that was even possible.  
He'd tried to stop thinking about Louis, he'd tried so fucking hard but it didn't help.

It had just been so hard not to fall for Louis to some degree while he was sweaty and red faced on the stage or when he'd offered to walk Harry home. It had meant so much to Harry when Louis asked him if he wanted to come and listen. He felt ridicules because since it was most likely a thing Louis asked all of his friends.

At least that's what Harry told himself to destroy all the childish hope he had on purpose and therefor keep himself from fancying Louis. His plan hadn't worked especially well yet.

Harry knew that there was no idea in fancying the older male as Louis never would want to be together with someone like him.  
Hell, Louis probably didn't even like guys in the first place.

Harry had to be realistic in his situation, accept the fact that no one wanted to be tied down with a sick partner.  
It had been easy for him to accept it before because he'd never liked someone before and thought that he never would either.  
Harry had just been too busy with hospital visits when he was younger and catching up with school as he got older.

Harry groaned and leaned back against the strong tree trunk, staring up at the bright green leaves above.  
When he was a kid he, his mother and Gemma often came to this park when he was home from the hospital.

It was a pretty little park with a duck pond, a playground and a little ice cream shop.  
But Harry's favorite place in the park had always been the huge oak tree that grew on top of a hill in the middle of the park.

There was a tire swing tied to one of the trees strong branches and when Harry closed his eyes he could almost see himself and Gemma on the swing.

Life was so much easier back then because Harry had no idea that this disease would end up killing him one day. Harry had lived on these happy memories when he had to return to the hospital and always looked forward to relive them over and over again.

His mother thought that this was what kept him fighting, the promise of incredible adventures as soon as he got out of the hospital.

Maybe it did help, at least a little bit. Harry was always positive, always longed after getting better so he could go places with his mother and sister.  
The wall around his bed at the hospital was decorated with drawings of him and Gemma eating ice cream, him and Anne in the woods picking flowers and all of them on the beach.

Last christmas Anne had introduced Harry and Gemma to her idea. As she thought Harry was free from cancer she wanted him to have a real adventure once and for all. They'd travel around the world in the summer, visit every single place they'd ever wanted to see.

But now Harry was sitting here staring up at the leaves of the old oak tree with a chocolate chip ice cream melting down over his hand.

"Hey, Harry, your ice cream is dripping," Harry flinched and looked away from the leaves, instead meeting a pair of bright blue eyes.

Louis was smiling at him from where he was laying splayed out on the grass right in front of Harry's feet.  
"Thought you said you wouldn't need a napkin," Harry just rolled his eyes at the teasing and reached out to grab the napkin Louis was holding out for him.

"I never said that, you're just making things up," Harry sighed as he wiped away the stickiness from his hands, ending up tossing both the napkin and the rest of his ice cream in the bin next to the tree.

"Am not, you said that loud and clear as we paid for our ice cream. You're lucky I decided to grab a handful of them anyway," Harry just grimaced and sat back down with his back against the tree.

Harry had texted Louis a few hours ago saying that he was heading to the park and he didn't want to go alone because his friends couldn't come or whatever. In reality Harry had been staring at his phone for a good hour trying to build up the courage to text Louis. Also, there were no other friends as Harry never had time to make any and no one wanted to be friends with a freak.

Harry woke up from his thoughts as he heard a clicking. Louis was sitting up now, head tipped back and eyes closed with a lit cigarette hanging between his lips. Harry had always found smoking repelling, he hated the smell and he assumed that he'd hate the taste as well if he ever tried it.  
Nothing good ever came from cigarettes and Harry knew that. But despite his strong opinions about cigarettes Harry found Louis smoking extremely attractive.

There was something about the way he hollowed his cheeks when he took a drag of the cigarette and then smiled as he breathed out the toxic smoke.

Harry cleared his throat and reached up to fix his beanie as he shuffled a bit closer to the older male.

"You do know that smoking kills, right? You can get Cardiovascular Disease, get heart attacks and if you're really unlucky you could get cancer," Harry hummed quietly.  
It was something his mum had told him ever since he was a little boy.  
She used to scare him from doing stupid things by listing all possible consequences.

But Louis didn't seem bothered with what Harry told him and just shrugged his shoulders.  
”If it happens it happens but I'm not going to get sick, Harry so don't worry about it," Louis laughed and took another drag of the cigarette.

Harry furrowed his brows and moved even closer to Louis, gaze locked on the cigarette between Louis’ nimble fingers.  
”How can you possibly know that?” Harry asked and fumbled a bit with the sleeves of his hoodie. He knew that it was way too warm for hoodies to other people but he was constantly cold.

"Well, dear Harold," Louis hummed and Harry could see how he was trying to make up an answer. His forehead was wrinkled and the fingers of his free hand were closed around a tuft of yellowing grass.  
"I guess it's as simple as the fact that I don't want to get sick. Like, I refuse to get sick so it wont happen," the blue eyed boy hummed with a shrug of his shoulders.  
Louis looked so sure as he said it, a smile on his face and everything. It really made Harry wish that he was as sure of himself as the older male.

"Though, I suppose you can't be sure of anything in this life," Louis continued and he looked up at Harry with a smile on his lips that caused Harry's usually pale cheeks to darken.

"You're making no sense at all, Louis," Harry said with a shake of his head. How the hell could Louis be so sure of things when he himself said that you couldn't be sure of anything at all?

The older male just rolled his eyes and blew out a cloud of smoke right in Harry's face, causing his eyes to sting and tear up.  
"Listen to yourself, Harry. You're so pessimistic and that's a shame since you're in your prime years here," Louis said as he reached out to pat Harry's broad back.

"You did that on purpose," Harry muttered through gritted teeth as he rubbed his stinging eyes, trying his best not to cough because of the toxic smoke.

Harry's eyes were stinging and he felt like coughing his lungs out but Louis' laugh still managed blow away all the irritation.

"Of course I did, you need to relax a little, Harold, a bit of secondhand smoke wont kill you," Harry was about to protest but before he could open his mouth Louis had already slapped a hand over it.

The cigarette had already been stomped down into the grass, another thing that made Harry wrinkle his nose in irritation. Honestly, Louis was pretty much everything he disliked in people and everything he liked at once. It was like someone decided to make a wonderful person but just to be a pain in the arse also made sure to add every annoying thing they could come up with. And by adding all the annoying little quirks and behaviors you somehow got an even more amazing person than if you'd taken away all of it.

"You take things way too seriously, Harry, that's what's wrong about you," Louis stated and grinned mischief glittering in his eyes as he pulled Harry's beanie down over his eyes.

* * *

  
Harry didn't know why he allowed Louis to talk him into this. Maybe it was the way Louis looked up at him with an adorable pout while begging him to say yes.

"Please, Harry, I know you'll be great at it and it'll be so much fun,"

It was only a half lie as it would most likely be very funny for Louis to see Harry stumbling around after the football.

So that's why Harry was standing between two goal posts while Louis was dribbling the ball towards him.

He'd repeatedly tried to warn Louis that he was the worst football player in the world but Louis just wouldn't have it. He said that no one could be too bad.  
Well, he hadn't seen Harry play just yet.

"You ready, Harry?" Louis yelled as he started to run towards the goal for real, making dribbling the ball look like the easiest thing in the world.

Harry just nodded slowly, nervously licking his lips as he prepared to either dive off to one of the sides or get hit right in the face.

The thud when Louis kicked the ball echoed through the air and for a second Harry thought about running off to the side. But he didn't want to disappoint Louis and look like a complete wuss. After all Harry wanted to impress the older male and make Louis like him so he forced himself to stay put and keep his eyes open.  
It seemed as if the ball was coming straight at his face and Harry's first instinct was to protect his face he actually managed to catch the ball between his sweaty hands.

The green eyed boy stared down at the ball in disbelief, mouth open in surprise because he just couldn't believe that he managed to catch it.

It took a moment before Harry understood what had happened but when he did a happy laugh bubbled up and he was bouncing up and down like crazy.

"I fucking did it, Louis!" Harry squealed and he just couldn't stop laughing because this wasn't just the first time he'd ever managed to do it.  
It felt wonderful to be able to succeed in something, be able to do something on his own after being doted and protected for so damn long.

Louis jogged up to him with a wide smile on his lips, his hair ruffled by the wind and threw an arm around Harry's shoulders.

"Hey, it's not like you've never caught a ball before, Harry," Louis laughed and once again he pushed Harry's beanie down over his eyes. Harry should really tell him to stop with that but nothing Louis did seemed to irritate him.

"But it was, I've never caught a ball before in my life," Harry chuckled as he straightened his beanie, cheeks covered with an excited blush.

Louis' smile disappeared for a moment and he looked at Harry with something that seemed like pity. But as soon as Harry saw that little flicker in Louis' eyes it was gone and he was smiling once again.

"Well, I have to say that it was wonderful for your first time then, Harry," Louis said and bumped his shoulder against Harry's as he took the football back.

"Now let's see how good you're at dribbling. Bet you're a champ since you just caught your first ball like a real pro," Harry rolled his eyes at that but he couldn't help but get a bit excited. Maybe he didn't suck after all and was some kind of natural talent. After all he hadn't played in years and things could change.  
Also the last time he played it was with his sister and she wasn't really the ideal teammate as football for her meant chucking the ball at Harry's head.

"Okay, so you dribble the ball over to the other side of the field and then you come back here and score a goal," Louis said with a grin and dropped the ball in front of Harry's feet.

It had to be easy enough, right? He literally just had to do what Louis did before and then come back here and kick the ball at the goal.

Harry started dribbling the football with newfound confidence, figuring he couldn't be too horrible at it. Things quickly went down the drain as dribbling turned out to be much more difficult than he first thought.  
The ball just wouldn't do as Harry wanted and soon he was stumbling forward with his eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

Of course Louis laughed and it just made Harry grimace even more and try even harder. It couldn't be that hard. He just had to move his feet a bit faster and everything would run smoothly.

For a split second Harry thought that he had it but as soon as he got his hopes up he stumbled on the fucking ball. Harry didn't even know how he managed trip on the actual football but suddenly it was just there under his foot.

By now Louis was doubling over laughing and Harry was a grumpy mess on the ground. His bum was covered with dirt and he was pretty sure that he'd damaged his tailbone in the process.

"Oh my, you're really terrible," Louis laughed as he jogged over to Harry, reaching out to help the younger boy back up on his feet.

Harry just pouted up at Louis, brushing the dirt off his pants as he finally stood up once again. His pride was more or less crushed and his ears were angry red with shame.

"Well I'm also terrible at being healthy so it's really nothing new to me," as soon as Harry uttered the words Louis stopped his laughing.  
He just didn't know if Harry was joking or not as the younger boy kept a blank expression. The short seconds seemed like hours and Louis was just about to break the awkward silence with an apology when Harry suddenly started laughing.

He was laughing so hard it seemed like he couldn't get any air and after a moment Louis just couldn't understand what was happening.

"Fuck, you should've seen your face, Louis," Harry wheezed and clutched at his stomach that was now hurting because of how hard he was laughing.

"You just stared at me and it looked like you'd seen a ghost or something," Harry giggled, wiping at his eyes as he glanced up at the blue eyed boy.  
Louis was just staring at him, eyebrows raised and eyes wide with surprise.

Harry supposed it had been a quite mean thing to do but he just couldn't help it. He could never joke about it with his mother or sister and he just assumed that Louis would find as funny as he did.

"You little shit," Louis growled and for a second Harry thought that Louis was angry at him but as soon as Louis pushed down his beanie he knew that there was no hard feelings.

"Hey, it was funny, you just don't have a sense of humor," Harry whined and grimaced at Louis as he had to correct his beanie for the third time.

Louis laughed and shook his head quickly as he kicked the ball right up into his arms. Of course grinning at Harry because he just wanted to tease the younger boy even more by showing off.

"Stop bragging, it's not nice," Harry grunted and crossed his arms over his chest with an irritated huff. He couldn't help that he sucked at football while Louis was some weird kind of super human.

Louis rolled his eyes and shoved Harry's side before bouncing away out of reach when Harry tried to hit him between his legs.

It soon turned into a wild chase around the field and even though Harry had longer legs than Louis he just couldn't seem to catch the blue eyed male.  
Also Harry got tired very soon because after all he wasn't healthy even though he sorta forgot about it while he was with Louis.  
Harry could just let go for a moment, stop thinking about what might happen and what was bound to happen sooner or later. The older male was a wonderful distraction and Harry supposed Louis came into his life just when he needed it the most.

When Harry laid down in bed that night after sharing a meal with his mother he was beyond exhausted. His mother had commented on it but it not with her usual concerned tone. She could see that Harry was happy too as the boy just wouldn't stop smiling.

He did feel kind of pathetic for being so happy because of such a simple thing. After all doing things like this couldn't be anything new for Louis. Maybe he did stuff like that almost every single day and Harry was just another guy he decided to waste some time on.

Wether it was the situation or not Harry still allowed himself to feel happy for once because he didn't know how much time he had left to smile.


End file.
